Amy Lu's View

Yesterday Chad and I were in charge of the service at our church. This endeavor involved  choosing and stringing together a selection of readings and songs and presenting them. This is the introduction I wrote for the service:

When Marie asked Chad and me if we wanted to take responsibility for this December 31 service, we of course said “yes.” If you know us at all, you may have noticed that we love to get up in front of others and perform in almost any capacity (well, except dance, we do have at least some understanding of the limits of our ability). We also tend to say “yes” and figure out the details later.

So those details…what should a New Year’s Eve service be about?

“Resolutions” immediately spring to mind for many of us when we think about the coming of a New Year, but Chad and I didn’t want to be too obvious and focus on the type of resolutions that people make to improve themselves and their lives. (Besides, Chad doesn’t make New Year’s Resolutions). But we started turning the word “resolution” around in our minds. Did it have some other meaning that felt especially relevant at the end of a year?

Turns out “resolution” DOES have several different meanings, including, “clarity” (think computer monitors), decision, agreement (as in “conflict resolution,”) commitment, and ending.

Perhaps ironically, we first started pondering “resolution” as “ending,” especially in the narrative context, as the conclusion that comes at the ending of the story. But a resolution is not always quite the same as an ending. According to the website literaryterms.net:

“The resolution…is the conclusion of the story’s plot. It’s where any unanswered questions are answered, or “loose ends are tied.”… The resolution allows a story to end without trailing off or leaving the reader confused or unsatisfied.”

Wow, “confused or unsatisfied.” Personally, I feel that way a lot…am I suffering from a lack of resolution? I don’t just want resolution at the end of a story, I want resolution at the end of a party, a meeting, an argument, a relationship, a life.

My mom died seventeen years ago, and I’m still working on finding resolution to her life story and our relationship. I think I could benefit from the Tibetan Buddhist perspective as described inan  article by scholars Robert Goss and Dennis Klass:

“Tibetan Buddhism recognizes that survivors have many feelings after someone dies. Some feelings, such as regret, longing, guilt, or anger are problematic…because they stem from unresolved relationships with the dying person, what in the West would be called “unfinished business”…few living bonds are wholly positive, so when there are problematic relationships, there are [in Tibetan Buddhism] explicit instructions for resolving negative feelings. Once the feelings are resolved, however, it does not mean that the bond with the deceased is severed.”

Yes, my mom’s life clearly had an ending, but though she’s gone, emotional loose ends (at least for me) have lingered.

I can’t help but compare my feelings of lacking resolution after my mom’s death with my feelings after the recent death of our dog, Oscar. (Yes, I realize I’m comparing my relationship to a dog with my relationship to a person, and I’m not going to apologize for that). The point, at least for our purposes this morning, is that while I’m extremely sad by Oscar’s death and grieving the loss of him as a part of our lives, I don’t feel unsettled by nagging questions. My relationship with Oscar had an ending that is terribly hard, but leaves me with a feeling of conclusion that I can best describe as peace.

Although the end of a calendar year is a mostly arbitrary milestone, we do observe it as a society and so collectively we are looking for resolution to 2017. And unfortunately for us, 2017 leaves a lot of loose ends. I think most of us can agree that many events of 2017 are leaving us confused and unsatisfied.

So at this time when our desire for and lack of resolution feels readily apparent, we’re going to spend this service exploring how we find, forge, and reach for resolution, and how we might deal with not getting it. We’re going to take a look at some other meanings of resolution that I mentioned, too—not just as an ending but as clarity, decision, agreement and commitment. We’ll share readings, stories and music from a variety of sources that have inspired—or at least entertained—us. We can’t promise you will leave today feeling less confused and unsatisfied when faced with a lack of resolution, but hopefully you will feel a little better knowing you’re not alone in this totally human experience.