Amy Lu's View

We’ve all heard of the humble brag, but is anxious bragging a recognized thing?

No, I’m not anxious that people will realize I’m bragging, or that there will be some type of negative consequence if I indulge in bragging. I want to brag, and I don’t care if it’s obvious I’m bragging and seeking acolades, and I don’t think my bragging will incur the wrath of the universe.

But I do often find that trying to revel in my successes makes me realize that I’m worried that I’ll never live up to, much less surpass, my accomplishments.

Let me get specific: I want to let the whole world know that I recently did a 17.5 plus mile run at a 9.22 miles/hour pace. That’s not going to get me into the Boston Marathon or anything (that’s not a humble brag, just a pissy brag) but for me, it’s amazingly fast for a run of that distance.

So yeah, I’m awesome. But HOW did this happen? Were my results skewed because I took several breaks for stoplights? Was it the weather? What I ate for breakfast? The alignment of the stars? What I was wearing?

And how lame am I going to feel if/WHEN I do a run this long again and I’m back to, or even slower than, my normal pace?

My anxious bragging is most obvious when it comes to running, because there are seemingly objective measurements of my running success. It’s why I’m ambivalent about running another marathon: What if I don’t do as well as I did on my first one? But this anxiety about living up to my past accomplishments happens in almost all areas of my life. Someone compliments me on an acting performance? I worry about trying to figure out exactly what I did and how I can recreate it. I feel like I’m wearing a particularly sassy ensemble? How will I ever find all the wardrobe elements and accessories again at the same time? Etc., etc….

Thankfully, there are some standards of Amy prowess that I don’t worry about living up to. I never worry that I’ll fail at latch hook (I can’t imagine how anyone would fail at that), making/eating salads, or drinking red wine.

And I never worry that I won’t worry enough.