Ten years later, it ended where it all began: with a floral loveseat.
That’s a rather innaccurate opening line, but I like how it sounds, so I’m going to go with it. Hopefully, explaining its inaccuracies will help me convey some actual content.
The “it” in question is my “career” as an actress in community theater. The loveseat was a set piece for the first community theater show I was in, Duck Soup’s “Moon Over Miami.” I played Darla, the “young” newlywed (rather a stretch at 39). As Darla, I spent quite a bit of time, sometimes seemingly an eternity, hiding behind the loveseat with my on-stage love, Sam, (played by Chad, of course).
Ten years later, that very same loveseat was again a set piece for “Broken Hill,” the last producation I was just in. This time, as the character Claire, a young and middle-aged love interest, I got to actually sit on the couch. Turns out, this was much more comfortable than kneeling behind it.
Time to tell the rest of the story: “Moon Over Miami” was not my first post-high school theater endeavor. My theater-as-an-adult origin story actually begins with our church’s production of “Our Town” in 2017. I even had a female lead role as Emily (yes, also rather absurd as I was a 37-year-old playing a teenager).
I don’t in any way want to be dimissive of our church’s “Our Town.” It was a deeply-meaningful and influential experience, that really did change my life. And it was a good show–we made people cry and feel many feels. But I totally dropped the ball on observing the 10 year anniversay of “Our Town,” so I’m making a rather arbitrary distinction between “church” and “community” theater. Plus, I didn’t get really active with theater until I did “Moon Over Miami” with Duck Soup.
So I am NOT going to miss this personal anniversary and chance for self-reflection (and yes, self-congratulation), at least by blog. Not going to miss my chance to stop and take a moment and say, “Holy crap. I’ve been doing this since 2009. That’s 10 years and 46 (approximately) shows.” I even have my resume to prove it.
How can I not revel and wonder? I had no idea ten years ago where my theater journey would take me…all the hours, all the rehearsing, all the memorizing, all the obsessing, all the self-doubt…and all the love. The love for the wonderful, amazing, talented people I’ve worked with who’ve become my friends, and the audiences who have given up their time to be part of something we create together. Everyone on either side of the stage who has been willing to be vulnerable and bold and audacious.
And I have learned more than I ever could have imagined…about acting (I still have tons to learn, but have gotten much better in spite of getting in my own way) and theater and myself. And just fun, random things..like what a “bad lie” means in golf and what Bergdorf’s is.
Now that I’ve more fully explained the “it” and the “beginning” and “the loveseat,” is it really the end of my community theater career? The dramatic side of me (which obviously, is often in charge) sometimes thinks, hopes, and fears so. Maybe I should just quit while I’m ahead. It’s likely to be all downhill from here. After all, what are the chances that I’m ever going to get cast in another role as rich and rewarding as Claire? And wouldn’t it be nice to have more of this “free” time thing? I could go out more, and actually attempt to read a book or maybe even clean the house. Plus, it’s so nice to not be constantly trying to cram lines into my head and to not feel guilty when I just listen to the radio.
The most powerful voice telling me that “it’s a wrap” wonders how I will ever live up to my performance of Claire. Shouldn’t I just quit while I’m ahead? And it seems like there should really be a word for this fear of not living up to past accomplishments. It’s more than just the standard Fear of Failure, but yet it must be pretty common. FOAP (Fear Of Already Peaking) or FONLU (Fear Of Not Living Up)?
Despite the soul-searching and doubts, I’m not ready to end my involvement with community theater. But I do think it’s worthwhile to think of this as the end of a chapter, and a good time to reflect on what I’ve learned and celebrate what I’ve accomplished.
Maybe I’ll be more selective about what roles I take on, and more careful with how I allocate my time. Maybe. Hopefully I’ll continue to appreciate the opportunities that come my way and continue to try and learn from whatever experiences I’m having.
Most of all, I’ll appreciate (and drink with) all the wonderful friends I’ve made…and try to avoid roles that require me to hide behind furniture.
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