Amy Lu's View

Self-deprecation can get tiresome quickly so I try not to indulge in it too much, but I really am not “what one would call a beautifully coordinated creature.”

That’s a quote, more or less, is from Chad’s character Matt in the beloved play “Talley’s Folly.” (More self-deprecation…I am NOT good at exact quotes). But you get the idea. I am, and always have been, a klutz.

It’s ironic that I’m a klutz, because I was born on a Tuesday, and Tuesday’s child, according to the classic poem, is “full of grace.” Maybe the poem’s author meant grace as a spiritual or emotional quality. If so, I still have lots of room in my grace tank.

Anyhoo, for whatever reason, I am not very physically coordinated or graceful. Maybe it’s just a self-fulfilling prophecy…somewhere way back when, I learned that I was a klutz, even though I must have some coordination, as I am rather kick-ass amateur drummer.

But one thing I love about running is that it doesn’t take any great physical skill or coordination…until it does, or at least more than I have, and I trip and fall for no apparent reason, as I did yesterday morning.

The lack of a known cause for my fall yesterday has me a little weirded out. No, I don’t think I have a new medical condition or anything, but with all the other times I’ve had a running fall or trip (approximately only 5 in the last couple of years) I remember tripping on something on the sidewalk (or in one case this summer doing an awkward manuever trying to avoid a car).

If I’m honest, I feel a little cursed when it comes to running this year. No, I don’t really THINK that I’m cursed or that I’ve offended some running deities that I don’t rationally think exist, but I FEEL cursed. Between pulled butt muscles and rained out races and slower than average training runs and more than an usual amount of falling, I’m a little scared to go running again and keep training for the Twin Cities 10 Mile.

But worse than being scared of running again is wondering just how long will I need to wait before I can–or should–go running again. While I am very fortunate that I’m not significantly injured in any way (although I do have a rather impressive bruise on my chin that looks even more colorful today than yesterday when I posted an unflattering selfie to show it off) I am sore and stiff. My neck and jaw are particularly problematic, making it challenging to sleep, drive, and chew salad (all the necessities of life).

So I did not run today and took a SECOND rest day this week. Argh. I can already feel the downward spiral starting as I write this while eating ice cream and drinking bourbon. Yes, yes, yes, I know that “rest” and “recovery” are supposedly healthy, but how long can this madness continue?

I know my recent running mishaps pale in comparison with the injuries and hardships that many runners face, but that only makes me more nervous. What else is lurking around the corner? How would I deal with a real setback?

Okay, I’m indulging in something I AM good at: worry and imagining worst case scenarios.

One of  my most influential college professors told us that the experience of enlightenment is like falling…your brain just stops and you are totally in the moment. That may be true sometimes but she did not know the inner workings of my brain. Yesterday morning my poor brain kept working and had plenty of time to think “S#@t! I’m falling and I can’t stop it and I’m going to hit the sidewalk and that’s going to hurt.”

It’s weird when a metaphor (or analogy or symbol or whatever literary device) becomes literal. I have new appreciation for the meaning of needing to get up and keep moving when I actually had to get up and keep moving.

(Another Lesson of the Fall…although the bruise on my chin looks a little dramatic, it doesn’t hurt. What really hurts and causes me problems–my neck and jaw–are invisible injuries. Now THAT’S a metaphor).

Luckily, I was only a block from home when I fell. This was advantageous, obviously, because I only had a little ways to go before I was home, and I had almost completed my planned run (yes, I made sure to stop my Garmin watch as soon as I could manage it–I was only a minute short of my goal). The downside is that I can’t help thinking if I just could have kept my act together for just one more block I could have made it safely home.

But who knows, maybe the space/time continuum needed me to fall on that date and time to keep reality together so I just would have come home and tripped over StanLee. (If I do end up giving up on running, maybe I can expand my writing hobby from blogging to include really mundane science fiction stories).