Amy Lu's View

Sometimes it takes me a while to figure out how to end an online meeting–I literally can’t quickly find the “Leave meeting” button in Zoom or the hang up phone icon in Teams or Skype.

This seems to be seeping into my real life.

I don’t want this post to be an “Oh the Perils of Pauline Working From Home!” I feel very grateful to be able to work from home, I like a lot about working from home, I’m pretty used to working at home, and I don’t have problems with work life meshing with home life–I think the flexibility of my schedule (and not catching a disease) more than compensates for that.

I don’t have a problem with virtual meetings, either. Are they really that much more awkward than in-person meetings? They’re just awkard/silly in a different way. Most of my job pre-COVID was meetings–both virtual and in-person–anyway. Yes, there are more meetings, and we do tend to use video more.

I do think it’s interesting that virtual meetings are both more distant and more personal–we’re all getting to see more of each others’ homes and facial expressions than before. I was proud when someone remarked today that they like “the dog and the bar in the background” when referring to me.

And I’m super thankful we have the option of virtual Happy Hours and whatnot. I love our church service via Zoom and our church lunches.

However, I am having trouble realizing that I’m not in a virtual meeting when I’m “asleep.” The last three or four nights, I’ve spent hours dreaming that I’m in an online meeting. (Luckily, I’ve stopped worrying about being on camera in just my pajamas like I did the first night).

This is hardly the first time I’ve had trouble differentiating my sleeping and waking life. When I was in fifth grade and a very local spelling bee “champion,” I would practice spelling words in my sleep. In recent times, I occasionally dream about needing to put things that are really unrelated to work on our staff intranet.

And don’t get me started on “Suzy”–she’s the ghost that lives in the upstairs of the dream version of the house that is supposed to be the apartment I shared with girlfriends in Eau Claire but is out in the country in Iowa. I will wake myself up screaming about/at Suzy (have no idea why she is named Suzy, although I did work with a girl at B. Daltons in Iowa named Suzy?)

I’ve also had stress dreams lately not related to online meetings or the ghost of booksellers. I recently dreamed I was at A BUFFET–WITH OTHER PEOPLE in the middle of this pandemic, and freaking out because people weren’t even trying to social distance, but hey, it was a buffet and they had rice noodles and I didn’t want to let good food go to waste.

And just the other night I dreamed I was at my parents’ house out on the tundra and trying to water and save their houseplants–specifically china dolls. Chad and I had a big ass china doll at least 15 years ago but have no houseplants now. A dream about being productive with this extra time? Of planting seeds that will grow in the future? Of feeling guilty about not gardening?

I better cut myself off before I start reminiscing about all the recurring stressmares I have (dead parents and pets that aren’t really dead but have been hanging out and I’ve ignored them, trying to close a library/store and the customers won’t leave and just keep coming in, being at a meal with no vegetarian food/accidentally eating meat…)

Yes, I could take responsibility for how I manage my stress and try to find some healthier coping strategies. No, I do not mediate. Yes, at least I drink decaffeinated tea in addition to bourbon?