Amy Lu's View

I’m all caught up with the podcast “Dead Eyes.” This makes me feel very accomplished.

I feel like I’ve achieved something primarily for two reasons:

• I haven’t listened to podcasts that much before now
• Chad and I are never caught up on our tv viewing

My career as a podcast listener is a direct result of COVID-19 social realities. Yes, I dabbled in a few podcasts thanks to Chad–namely “Too Beautiful Too Live-TBTL” (the inspiration for many blog posts) and “Nobody Listens To Paula Poundstone”–but my recent long walks encouraged me to branch out to other podcasts. Luckily for me, Chad got me set up with the app Stitcher right before social isolation started.

I’m not sure what drew me to “Dead Eyes.” Maybe it’s because each individual epdisode is relativley short (less than an hour) and its a new podcast so there aren’t that many episodes (the 8th just came out). Listening to it all isn’t that big of a commitment (I’m daunted by starting a long running tv series). Maybe I subconsioucly remembered reading a good review of it int he week.

It’s a testament to the quality of the podcast that even though I have very little knowledge or interest in its premise, I love it. Here’s the descirption: “Actor/comedian Connor Ratliff (The Chris Gethard Show, UCB, Marvelous Mrs. Maisel) embarks upon a quest to solve a very stupid mystery that has haunted him for two decades: why Tom Hanks fired him from a small role in the 2001 HBO mini-series, Band Of Brothers.”

The only thing/person in that description that I have any familiarity with is Tom Hanks.

When Connor Ratliff was fired, he was told (not by Tom Hanks directly) that it was because he had “dead eyes.” He has no idea what that means and that is the “mystery” he’s trying to solve.

Reasons I loved the podcast:

• The host seems like a genuinely likable guy.
• The show is well-crafted.
• The conversations are really interesting, even when I don’t know who the guests are.
• Even as an only amateur actress, I totally relate to the experience of being super insecure about being an actor. I also find it comforting that professional actors are also wracked my self-doubt.

Things I’ve learned from “Dead Eyes”

• As an amateur actress, I understand the wisdom of NOT having my happiness so tied to my “success” as an actor. I need to also find fullfillment in things that I have more control over, like running, playing music, or just trying to be a decent person.
• It’s helpful to keep in mind that other people rarely ascribe as much importance to me or how they interact with me as I do. If I’m feeling mortified because I’ve acted like an ass or embarassed myself, it’s wasted effort. People are the heroes of their own stories. I am scenery. Embarassment is self-indulgent.
• On the flip side, while it’s not helpful to over-estimate our importance, we should keep in mind that an offhand comment (“You have dead eyes”) might have a big impact on someone. In eighth grade a friend told me that I “looked like a rabbit” in my class picture–yeah, that echoed around in my head for years. So why not say something nice?
• And why not try to remember the positive things people tell us, instead of obsessing over real or imagined slights and criticisms? It’s easy to get stuck in narratives and let them define our lives. Why not try to consciously frame our lives in positive stories?
• There are a lot of songs about eyes–as a child of the 80’s, “Eyes Without a Face” and “Bette Davis Eyes” are the ones that get stuck most in my head.