Amy Lu's View

I am trying to imagine the version of the Multiverse where my mom is alive and we’re celebrating her 85th birthday today. In this reality that we’re currently in, my mom died when she was 64 and I’ve spent her last 21 birthdays without her. (Disclaimer: I’m sure I deeply misunderstand the science of the multiverse and am going to make many infuriatingly wrong statements about it).

“I’ve come to find that traveling the multiverse produces the same effect as a gnarly hangover induced by tequila, very distinct from one brought on by wine or whiskey. I have some experience with the former, more with the latter”*

― M.K. Williams, The Infinite-Infinite

What would my mom be like at 85? Assuming she was healthy, and able to still do the things she did before she died, would she still faithfully watch “Days of Our Lives”? (is that even still on…Googling…Yes! I think it is). Would her favorite food still be cheap gas station donuts? Would she still love to read Harlequin romances? Would she still go on day-long shopping excursions for no real reason? Would she still iron all her t-shirts and sweatshirts? Would she still dye her hair? Would she still constantly ask me what my work schedule was?

Yes, I’m centering myself in my mom’s story. I find it almost impossible to imagine what my mom would be like without the context of how she would be relating to me and my life.

And what would I be like if my mom was alive now? What would I be like if she had been an active presence in my life for the past 20 years instead of a beloved memory? What new things would she have taught me? How would it have changed me if she had been alive to share the past 20ish years with me? Who would I be without this huge whole in my heart?

Of course I can’t know what I would be like, or what my mom would be like, or what any of the people whose lives she would have touched would have been like if she was still living–even if I did have a scientific understanding of the multiverse. I’m sure in some ways I would be a “better” person and in other ways, “worse.”

What I can do is to try and be my best self in this version of reality. I can be inspired from my thirty years of knowing my mom to be feisty and strong and loyal and generous and loving and unabashedly delighted by small joys such as unremarkable donuts. I can be inspired from my twenty years of grieving her loss to be more empathetic and compassionate.

And if I’m feeling particularly bold and weird I can try to imagine that version of 2021 reality where my mom is alive and on Facebook. (I’m not sure if I can even fathom her texting).

*No, I have not read this book, I just Googled quotes about the multiverse. But now I am rather motivated to read the book…and to try more tequila. I AM well-versed in both wine and whiskey hangovers.