Amy Lu's View

Last month, on May 27 to be precise, Chad and I celebrated our twenty-sixth anniversary. 

I would like to make some clever reference to what anniversary this was in terms of traditional gifts, but I’ve learned that the twenty-sixth anniversary isn’t anything. There’s no special gift or title or theme assigned to it. That feels rather dismissive and deflating, especially since we missed having a big to-do on our “Silver” anniversary because of COVID. (Perhaps those in charge of anniversary etiquette thought they were doing folks a favor by not having a theme for the twenty-sixth, as they were probably imagining spouses still worn out after celebrating the big silver anniversary). 

I guess I should have known there was no traditional twenty-sixth anniversary theme/gift,  because the traditional gifts stop at 15 and then are only assigned in 5 years increments after that. The other anniversary designations I’ve seen must have been referring to the “modern” gifts. 

So, under the modern gift schematic, the Twenty-Sixth Anniversary is…the “Picture Anniversary.” Yeah, we didn’t really celebrate that, but we did go out to eat and we did sit down and have a meal inside a dining establishment. It was our first such experience since lockdown started in March of 2019, so that definitely felt special. And I did make Chad be part of some selfies so we do have some pictures from the evening. 

Although there is no traditional gift to guide my thinking or writing about our twenty-sixth anniversary, I’m definitely pondering what it’s been like to spend the last year in lockdown with each other. 

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It’s easy to joke about how amazed we are that we haven’t wanted to kill each other after spending so much time together this last year. But we are amazed (really, how easy is it to live with anyone under such circumstances) but more importantly, grateful. Grateful that we’ve had each other to help us get through the scary times, and grateful that we’ve been able to slow down and spend more time with each other, and grateful (and sometimes exasperated) that we still have so much to learn about each other, and how and who we are together. 

They stayed there for a long time, just feeling very brave together.”

from “Dragons and Giants,” Frog and Toad Together

That line is a pretty good summary of our twenty-sixth year of marriage: We stayed “there” (home) for a long time (over a year) feeling brave, or at least trying to act like we felt brave, together. 

Because just like Frog and Toad in the story Dragons and Giants, we actually didn’t feel very brave. Frog and Toad question their bravery after reading fairy tales where the heroes courageously face Dragons and Giants. (YES! I AM working in a Frog and Toad story, so another step of the blog challenge achieved!) So Frog and Toad go out in the world and encounter all kinds of dangers like birds and snakes and avalanches, scream “We are not afraid” and run home.

We were scared, or at least very anxious, not just about COVID and civil unrest and the presidential election, but all of those things on top of normal life. We are extremely blessed and the world is amazing, but also scary. So we’re still often a little scared/anxious, (and so fortunate that because we’re white and middle class we actually have little to fear compared to so many) but we get to pretend we’re brave together. 

It’s not simply that we’re in denial–we’re making a choice, or rather, a series of small choices, to be more optimistic and hopeful and confident and calm than we are inclined to be. 

So bring it on, dragons and giants and pre-pandemic pants that are now too tight…we’re ready for you!