Amy Lu's View

I ran today for the first time in 2022! More than that, this was my first run since Dec. 24, 2021–over TWO MONTHS ago!

It feels really good to run again after so long, and reassuring to know that I still can run, but it was also disheartening. I just did a short run–a little over 2 miles–and my running was slow and awkward. 

It’s not surprising that this was a lackluster reboot of my running–that’s just how running goes after a hiatus. While my cardio condition is still pretty good as I’ve been riding the stationary bike instead of running, running is a whole different game–physically and mentally. I need to get my muscles and mind reacclimated. Yes, I think I am (or will be) sore after only two miles!

I haven’t been running because I don’t do outdoor winter running. I just don’t feel safe running on even small amounts of ice without falling. (I’m also not super fond of being cold, either). In the Before Times, I would do at least some running on the track at the gym, but I haven’t felt safe at the gym this winter, either. (Hopefully the gym will seem like a better option soon). 

And it probably has been good for me to take a break from running, or at least not a bad thing. I am getting to still get some cardio exercise, and I’m mixing it up a bit both physically and mentally. And I get to watch the cats cuddle and wrestle when I’m working out in our basement. 

I know that if I’m patient and persistent, my running will get better. In fact, that is one of the most valuable things about running–it’s taught me to trust in the process of training and slow improvement. It’s taught me to have some faith in myself. 

This faith and trust doesn’t make my anxiety and impatience and self-doubt go away. It doesn’t silence the inner voices that complain that the paths will never be clear enough for me to run comfortably, or that I’ll never be able to run a mile relatively easily in less than 10 minutes. 

It’s an underlying feeling of angst and antsyness that makes me feel bad and even slightly guilty when the latest issue of “Runner’s World” arrives or the host of our favorite podcast talks about the 10 Mile race he just ran. 

The unease is still there. Those voices are still there, but I’ve learned to recognize that they are spewing exaggerated fears without giving them too much attention. I’m pretty confident that spring will eventually come. It’s pretty likely I’ll be able to run under 10 minute miles again–and if for some reason I can’t or don’t, so what? I’ll keep running. 

I’m going to need to have extra patience and optimism because today probably isn’t really the Beginning of My Return to Running (cue triumphant and inspiring music)–it’s more likely to be the prelude or the preamble or the preface. Wintry weather looks like it’s going to continue for a while yet. 

I’ve even mostly accepted that I may not be able to get enough running time in to train for a spring race (assuming that I’d be up to dealing with the hassle of actually getting to race in-person again). 

After all, I do already have enough medals and racing finisher shirts to last a lifetime. Okay, maybe the shirts won’t last (or fit) forever, but I definitely have enough medals to decorate several Christmas trees.