Amy Lu's View

I was surprised. Maybe even a little shocked.

Our friend, and minister, Laura, had just said Chad and I were playful.

I certainly wasn’t offended–I wish I was more playful–but I don’t think I’m very playful. 

I’m thinking about play now because Laura explored it recently in a sermon, and is encouraging us all to think about the spiritual dimensions of play. 

I never did follow up with Laura about why she thinks we’re playful, but I’m guessing it’s because we are into a lot of pop culture that’s intended for children. 

It could also be because we literally play a lot–at least we play instruments, and we are in theater plays, so we play act. 

If I don’t think that makes me playful, what does it mean to be playful? According to vocabulary.com, “playful” describes “someone who likes to have fun and doesn’t take things too seriously.” 

Well, I do like to have fun, but I don’t think I’m all that good at it, because my tendency to overthink things usually gets in the way. I can be too busy thinking “Is this fun? Am I having fun? Are other people having fun?” to actually have fun. 

Although it may not be obvious to others (except for Chad and our pets) I actually DO take many things pretty seriously, but perhaps not the always the same things others take seriously. 

I’m usually too goal-oriented, too preoccupied with thinking “what’s the point of this?” to be playful. I’m not living in the present. I’m not very open to experiencing something for its own sake. I may seem playful because I’m typically not concerned with looking silly or because I don’t limit myself to interests that are “age-appropriate,” but that often doesn’t translate to that experience of engagement and experimentation that I see as play. 

I may look playful, I definitely want to be more playful…how can I be more playful?

Happily, I’ve had a couple of coffee house music experiences recently that have felt surprisingly playful that I think can be good examples I can learn from. With the last two songs I performed, I practiced, I was prepared, and at the last moment had the opportunity  to play the songs with other people. 

I was tempted to say “No, I’m not prepared for this…” but instead I said “Yes.” I was open…to experimenting, to collaborating, to doing my best while still accepting it could all go awry. 

Both song performances turned out to be better and more interesting than if I had performed solo. And yeah, there were some goofy, silly moments of mistakes, but I think I, and my awesome collaborators, and the audience, had more fun. 

Years and years ago, I said something to Chad about having fun and he replied, “I don’t know what fun is.” I gave, and continue, to give him a hard time about that, but I think I’m the one who is really confused by what fun is. I may have the demeanor of a muppet and wear otter print dresses, but Chad is more capable of presence, which I think is key to play and having fun. 

Having a goal to be more playful seems counterproductive, but I am going to seek to be more present and more open. And I will have many engaging opportunities to explore what that means as we start rehearsals for an upcoming play, “The Brothers Grimm Spectaculathon,” more info at: https://www.act-mn.org/. (YES, see how I work in that marketing!)

Oh, I am going to have to work hard to be prepared for this play. But work and effort aren’t antithetical to play–they can lay the foundation for making play more spontaneous. 

I’m going to hug Munson (my stuffed one-armed bear, thanks to StanLee), keep drinking some wine, and ponder this.