Amy Lu's View

As a kid growing up in rural Wisconsin in the seventies, there were elements to a wedding that seemed like a given, including: A reception filled with drunk happy guests, the dollar dance, and hearing “The Wedding Song” (by Paul Stookey of Peter, Paul, and Mary fame) featured in the service. 

When Chad and I got married in slightly less rural Wisconsin in 1995, it was up to us to decide what aspects of ceremony and ritual and celebration to include in our wedding service and festivities. We landed on a mix of the new and the old. We definitely had the drunk, happy, guests (never in question) but we did decide to forgo the dollar dance, which I now regret. I think we thought we were too cool or sophisticated or something. (If you’re not familiar with the dollar dance, I’m sure you know how to Google, but you can also check this out: https://www.brides.com/money-dance-tradition-5074509). 

We also had “The Wedding Song” in our service, but as I felt a little uncomfortable with the God language of the song, we had our pianist play it while we did the unity candle thing (rather new to me at the time) and we didn’t have anybody sing it. 

I’ve been reminiscing about our wedding as we recently hit the milestone of our 27th Anniversary on May 27 (sort of our golden anniversary, but of course not to be confused with a 50th anniversary which is the actual “Golden Anniversary.” The traditional gift for a 27th anniversary isn’t gold, but sculpture, which is kind of cool, but we didn’t have any time for gifts this year. We do have a Groot Chia Pet that we’ve had for years, maybe sometime this summer we’ll get around to “planting” it and consider that our anniversary sculpture?)

To commemorate our anniversary, I decided to perform my version of “The Wedding Song” for our church’s online coffee house. This gave me an opportunity to revisit the lyrics of the song. The inner monologue of my emotional/spiritual/philosophical journey went something like this:

“I don’t want to be so self-righteous as I was in my youth about using God-as-a-Being language, but I also don’t want to just stick with God as “He”..can I mix it up and use “She” and “They” for God? Why yes, I can, but singing “Wherever two or more of you are gathering in HER name” is surprisingly making me think about my mom and now I’m tearing up and I don’t know if I can sing this! And yes, wow, I can NOT sing “becoming MAN and wife” and I will make ‘husband’ fit even if it’s awkward.” 

I unexpectedly went from making a theological statement to being pulled through a doorway of remembrance and love. I was thinking about my mom, my dad, and Chad’s grandparents, all of whom have died since our wedding, and all the other relationships that we’ve lost or have changed in ways that feel like a diminishment. I can’t adequately define it, but I had a new appreciation of our wedding as a time when we all gathered in love, not just in Chamy Love, but love of family, friends and community. 

The Covid-19 pandemic has definitely inspired me to reconsider what “gathering” means and to appreciate it in new ways. How can we gather in ways that don’t involve physical proximity? How can we gather in ways that are inclusive and honor the past and appreciate the present moment? 

How can I make my mom “real” not by thinking some platitudes about Heaven or even sharing memories of her with those who knew and loved her (although that is awesome and I’m always up for that), but by gathering together in love with others? Does the mere attempt of trying to connect with others honor and invoke all our past expressions and experiences of love?

I don’t know, but just thinking about trying makes me feel closer to my mom.

AND I will now totally dance with anyone who asks me to, no dollar needed (although with inflation, would that be a TWO AND A HALF dollar dance? But do not blame Joe!)

P.S.–(okay, I think that is technically only for letters but I don’t know what the blog equivalent is…I know I have definitely been Amy Grumpy Pants of late which makes me feel like I’m in a precarious position to write about love, etc., but may also explain why I’m particularly interested in it).