Amy Lu's View

I don’t have a good reason for running the 2022 Twin Cities Marathon (about two and a half weeks away). 

That doesn’t mean I have a bad reason (although I really don’t have room in my life for another Finisher’s shirt or medal). I just don’t have a clear, inspirational reason that’s pushing me to reach this goal. 

Running experts and aficionados frequently encourage runners to focus on their “Why” to keep their motivation up. It makes sense–keep your eyes on the metaphorical prize. 

And there must be a good, compelling reason to devote so much time and effort to marathon training, something that is frequently unpleasant and even sometimes painful. 

So I’m a little confused and embarrassed that I don’t have a compelling reason. I mainly signed up for this marathon because even though I’ve run three marathons before, it’s been four years since the last one and I wanted to see if I could still do it. 

That’s an okay reason, but not terribly stirring. It’s actually even rather anxiety-inducing. Yes, I can probably still run a marathon (barring any accidents or extreme events) but it’s also very probable that I won’t do it as well as I have before. 

This time I deliberately chose a training plan (Hal Higdon) that was much less intense, time-consuming, and difficult. This was a good choice because I didn’t want marathon training to feel like a part-time job, but I need to adjust my goals and expectations. It’s not like I ever intended to break any records or even qualify for Boston, but it is hard for me to be okay with not being as “good” or “tough” as past Amy. 

I am now finished with the hardest part of training, and I am soo happy. In some ways, training is harder than the marathon itself–that’s a one and done. Yes, I know the marathon will be tough, especially at mile 17 and on, but, at least right now, what I’m most worried about is standing around and freezing my ass off waiting for the marathon to start (I hate that so much that I almost signed up for the VIP option which includes a heated pre-race tent, but that feels really extra). 

So I’m super relieved and content and proud that I’ve basically finished training (just one more two hour run and anxiety about carb-related weight gain to go) but I also feel like I’m cheating and that I wimped out by not following my previous plan. After all, I only did two twenty mile runs (instead of three 21 miles runs), not to mention my reduced number of 17-18 mile runs. 

I guess this self-doubt leads me back to the question of “What’s my ‘Why’ ”?–Why do I want to do this if I’m not willing to put in the time and effort to get an outcome that’s comparable to my previous undertakings? Why not rest on my laurels–I have three pretty good marathons under my belt–and leave well enough alone?

While no single exciting answer jumps out at me, I do have several small reasons. I think it’s kind of cool that this is the 40th Anniversary of the Twin Cities Marathon, it’s appealing, even heartwarming, to run my first in-person race since 2018, I’m curious about how my easier training plan does play out (it’s almost an experiment), I like the sense of accomplishment training for a marathon gives me, I like getting obsessed about running, I like training (even when I’m so relieved it lets up, maybe because I’m so relieved when it lets up) because it gives me a relatively healthy outlet for my obsessiveness. Maybe I can even approach this marathon with a more relaxed attitude, and enjoy the whole experience more. 

I don’t have one Big Why for this marathon–but lots of little ones. That actually aligns with my approach to other areas of my life. I rarely have a big vision or goal when it comes to everything from work to performances to relationships–just several little moments and reasons. As R.E.M. sings in their cover of the song “Crazy,” 

“There are no answers, only reasons to be strong.”

–R.E.M., “Crazy”

I’ll amend that with “strong/slightly stupid” to fit running a marathon. 

There is a well-worn joke in running circles: “I did all this for a free banana?” referring to the banana that is typically given to runners at the end of races. And maybe it IS all for that banana–that banana under those very special circumstances and all it represents.  

So here’s to that post-marathon banana (and the celebratory drinks that will be consumed for at least a week after the marathon).