Amy Lu's View

If extraterrestrial cultural anthropologists are studying contemporary American society, they probably think extroverts and introverts are mortal enemies. Or rival NFL teams. 

I don’t want to be a hater or rile up any argument. I do think we should all be careful not to assume we know what another person’s thoughts or experiences are. 

Personally, when I think about what seems to be a central question in the extrovert or introvert definition, “Do you get energy from being with others?” I’m a little flummoxed. 

I love performing in front of people. I love feeling like I’m connecting with others. I love having people notice me and feeling that I’m special. I love organizing social events, big and small (although never fancy or complicated, no “entertaining “for me) and bringing people together. I seem to be good at conversations and including others in the social experience. 

But I’m often wracked with anxiety after any social interaction, particularly the anxiety that strikes between 2:00 and 4:00 in the morning when unwise amounts of alcohol have been consumed: Was I kind? Was I honest? Did I listen? Did I judge? Was I interesting? Was I an asshole? Did I steal the spotlight too much? Did I leave someone out? Was I too afraid to speak my truth and share my story  and make a real connection?  

One aspect I find so hard about vulnerability is how do I honestly share my tough experiences and insecure feelings without making a conversation just about me. It’s not that I’m afraid of looking weak, I just don’t want to inappropriately monopolize the conversation or bring everyone down.

Am I an introvert or an extrovert? I don’t know, but I’m a people pleasing performer who has learned from the pandemic that I’m not responsible for the social lives of others. And it’s okay if I miss out on some social activities. 

I’m wrestling with the extrovert vs. introvert dilemma particularly as I ponder the very last story in my original Frog and Toad Blog Challenge*, “The Dream.” 

At first reading, the story makes me defensive. Toad has a dream where he’s onstage becoming more and more successful and famous while Frog, sitting supportively in the audience, literally shrinks. Frog gets smaller as Toad obnoxiously shouts a variation of “Frog, can you do THIS?” after each of his theatrical triumphs.

Is this a blatant criticism of egotistical performers and narcissistic extroverts?

Maybe, but perhaps also a challenge to think about how we can meet our needs while not forgetting about what connection really means. I think we all yearn to connect with others, but we are all clumsy in our efforts. Do we try to have an impact and show our gifts by taking the stage or baking a pie? 

Sometimes I worry I have an unhealthy need to feel special, but maybe the need isn’t unhealthy but only how I try to fill it.

Why did poor Frog shrink as toad got more and more successful? Perhaps it’s not because fame or success is categorically bad, but because Toad forgot about how important his friendship with Frog was. Perhaps the real problem is Toad didn’t realize that just as Frog was supporting him by being in the audience, Frog needed Toad’s support, too.

I love the phrase “steal my thunder” as in “Sorry I stole your thunder” or “Don’t steal my thunder.” (It’s kind of ironic I love the saying because I hate actual storms and therefore am not fond of thunder). But maybe we can embrace an abundance mindset and accept there’s enough thunder for everyone–no matter where we fall on the extrovert/introvert or mammal/amphibian continuum–no stealing necessary. 

(Again, literally a terrible thought for me as I would hate to live in a world with nonstop thunder).

*Par-tay time…I finally finished my Frog and Toad Blog Challenge (https://amyluedtke.wordpress.com/2020/08/23/frog-and-toad-are-sages/) which I began just a little over two years ago (actually, I’m rather impressed it didn’t take me longer than that to finish). I committed myself to write a blog post inspired by each of the 15 stories in the “Frog and Toad Treasury.” But…there IS another Frog and Toad book not included in the treasury, I’m not setting a new goal just yet, but there could be another five Frog and Toad blog posts in my future.