Amy Lu's View

Chad: “We need flowers for the service tomorrow, so let’s use your bouquet* from our wedding.”

Me: “Great idea, although the flowers are pretty faded…then again, so are we.” 

Ah, classic Chamy comedic gold. And since the service was inspired by our wedding anniversary, it seemed fitting that we and the flowers were faded. 

But comedy and metaphor aside, I actually don’t feel all that faded. 

Maybe my perceived vibrancy is simply due to comparing myself to where I started…did I ever feel all that vibrant? (I was morally opposed to exercise as a young person so I may actually have equal or even more physical stamina now then I did in my youth). Or maybe I just don’t really remember how I felt 28 years ago when my bouquet and our marriage were brand new. 

Maybe it’s just that I don’t feel more faded than I was. Yes, sometimes I do feel at least somewhat faded, and tired, and deflated–but I’m not sure it’s more than I was when I was younger, maybe just different. 

When I feel faded, tired, and deflated now, it seems to reach into me a little more. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. 

I think I feel more of everything now–or at least I allow myself to feel more than when I was younger. Maybe, because of time and experience and even a little bit of learned wisdom, I am actually more capable of feeling.

I should reconsider the value of being faded. At least one of our church friends complimented my bouquet–she thought it was lovely. She appreciated it as it was, here and now, and wasn’t judging it based on what it used to be. Or might have been. The colors of my bouquet are different than they once were, but my friend liked the flowers just as they are now.

And “faded” is one of my favorite phone camera effects–not because it mimizes wrinkles, but because it makes my photos look all atmospheric and artsy. Soft and nuanced.

I think I feel pretty good about being faded after all!

*Obviously, my wedding bouquet is fake. This wasn’t my first choice at the time I got married, but now I’m pretty thankful to still be able to have this artifact with me, and I fondly remember my mom and I choosing the flowers. 

**This is a reference to brand of Walmart clothing, discontinued in 2018. Yes, I’m pretty sure I owned at least one or two articles of Faded Glory at some point.