Amy Lu's View

When I was in third grade, a teacher whom I liked very much told me that I didn’t always have to talk so loudly. 

HAPPY QUIET DAY!

Conventional wisdom might suggest that as a librarian, I’m all about the quiet. It may also suggest that as a drummer, I’m also about making as much noise as possible. 

As is often the case, this conventional wisdom misses the mark–libraries are not bastions of quiet, and librarians don’t spend their days shushing people. Well, since I work at home, I actually do spend a lot of my day trying to get StanLee to quiet down and stop barking at other dogs, and our cats, and people passing by our house, and turkeys, and other birds, and squirrels, and airplanes, and the air, etc., but I don’t think that’s what the shushing librarian stereotype is trying to capture. 

And as much as I love Animal and consider him a personal hero, I don’t tend to go all that wild with my drumming. 

I have rather conflicted feelings about quiet and noise. Or maybe I’m just seeking balance. My hearing isn’t great, and noisy restaurants can overwhelm me and make it impossible to hear what others are saying. But I also like background noise and almost always have the radio or music on. 

A noisy environment can be problematic, but I’m fortunate that I can usually deal with that–worse case scenario, I can leave. It’s much more challenging to deal with all the noisy thoughts in my head. I’m sure I’m not unique in struggling to quiet all the unfocused thoughts that race around in my head–What will I wear? What will I eat? How can StanLee be five years old already? How will I answer that work email? How can we once again have a Trump v. Biden Presidential campaign? When will I be able to get together with this friend? When will I run this week? When will I finish my latch hook? When will I get groceries? Will climate change kill us all? Will I ever get cast in a show again? What will I blog about today?

I do realize that meditation is a wonderful, powerful tool that could help me calm down these scattered, racing thoughts. I do not need to be convinced of the value of meditation, but I’m just not ready to embrace it. Why? 1) It’s work and 2) (more significantly) I just can’t make that imaginative leap to who I would be without constantly thinking and obsessing. 

During the height of the pandemic, I participated in a small group discussion and reflection class through our church that met via Zoom. It was a wonderful experience, and I still think about when our minister asked me where I went or what I did when I wanted to be quiet and reflective. I was completely stumped. I think a “Does not compute” message flashed across my forehead.

I’m not ruling out that someday I’ll be someone who’s more comfortable with the idea of inner quiet, but for now, I can resort to drumming or rely on StanLee’s barking to provide white noise for my inner monologue.