Amy Lu's View

I just bought a fanny pack.

I don’t know who I am anymore.

Okay, I do know who I am. I’m a middle-aged lady who is about to embark on a vacation to Mexico to attend Brandi Carlile’s music festival, and I got sucked into a time vortex at Target trying to find gear* at the last minute to make my vacation as awesome as possible. I’m very excited about and thankful to be going on this vacation, but I’m also anxious about it. This anxiety is getting transubstantiated into consumer angst: What are the perfect things to buy that will make me look as cute as possible, be useful, easy to pack, and practical enough to justify the consumer waste I am creating?!

I bought the fanny pack because I wanted some type of personal storage device that will let me conveniently carry around essential items at the festival. I was thinking of a small purse, but none of the purses at Target seemed right. Before I knew it I was considering a fanny pack–yes, as a teen of the 80’s they give me some cultural PTSD, but apparently they’ve made a comeback and I can adapt with the times, right? So I bought the fanny pack, but its fate is uncertain–the strap seems way too long, and I’m realizing that one of my running belts might work just as well, if not better.

I also bought a new swimsuit, which seems reasonable since we’re staying at a beach resort, but I already own several serviceable swimsuits that more or less fit. Yes, they’re old, including items from the now defunct Target brands of Mossimo and Merona, but as I almost never wear them, they are in okay shape. But swimsuits don’t take up much room in a suitcase, right? (NO! I’m not going to let myself go on a rant right now about how inadequate my luggage is).

I did resist some temptation–I did NOT buy new flip flops (my Croc sandals are amazingly just fine, if ugly, after 15 years!!) or a new hat (because I remembered that I have two cowboy sun hats, which seem very appropriate for this event, and now I just have to figure out which one to bring). Okay, I only failed to buy new running shorts because I couldn’t find any, but still. And I bought at least one practical and necessary thing–sunscreen! It’s even reef safe (I think).

I think I have everything essential for vacation except insect repellant (which I’m hoping I can still get at CVS). The recommended packing list does include a carabiner, which I don’t have, but that’s so one can attach a water bottle to a belt loop, and most of my clothes don’t have belt loops. Luckily, I have small, flat, water bottles for running that will fit into pockets or a small personal storage device (whether that ends up being a fanny packet or a small Baggallini purse that I just ordered from Amazon while writing this, talk about fraught consumer choices). Anyway, I don’t think I’ll die of thirst even without a carabiner.

The recommended (technically “Bueno”) list also includes a “Sweat Lighter”–what the hell is that? Yes, I did a cursory Google search, and I’m still nonplussed. I think I’ll just leave that as a mystery to solve on vacation.

If you are a calm and/or experienced traveler, you are probably rather bemused and mystified by all this packing drama. Or if you are just a relatively grounded person, you’re probably wondering why and how I can make a vacation so much work. I guess it’s just one of my superpowers (do real superheroes go on vacation?)

*Portlandia reference: https://youtu.be/R3SFqV0hMyo?si=IVfuRDhq2L4yDBBO