Amy Lu's View

This is more or less the “Holiday Letter” I sent out/hope to send out this year. 

This year my Yuletide Missive has a theme: Risk. No, not the classic board game, but risk as “the possibility that something unpleasant or unwelcome will happen.” (Such as, “By sending out this Holiday Letter, I risk that people will find me highly annoying.”)

Hmm, that may seem like a rather negative start to a festive greeting, but luckily, risk can also contain opportunity and the possibility that something pleasant or welcome will happen. (Such as, “By sending out this Holiday Letter, I am giving recipients the opportunity to make a paper airplane.” This worked better with an actual paper letter but feel free to print this out and make a paper airplane.)

I’m thinking about risk because this year I took a big one: I accepted a temporary promotion as Acting Coordinating Librarian for Web and Online Services. This means I moved from being in the department that is responsible for our library’s website to being the person ultimately responsible for our public (and staff) website. This was a risk because I was quite content with my job and wasn’t looking for something with more responsibility (and stress). 

Happily, taking the risk paid off: I’ve really enjoyed having new challenges and learning new things and even though I have definitely made mistakes, I think I’m pretty good at my job. Now this job IS only temporary and could end anytime in the next 3-6 months, but I’m being uncharacteristically open to uncertainty. And don’t give me credit for embracing too much uncertainty: I am guaranteed that I will be able to go back to the same or very similar job that I previously had when I’m done with this Assignment That I’ve Chosen To Accept. 

This has also been a good year to take a work related risk as it’s my 20th Employment Anniversary: I’ve been a librarian for Hennepin County Library for TWENTY YEARS. Wow. Although I have certainly taken other risks (big and small, many forgotten) along the way of my librarian journey, there is definitely symbolic resonance in taking a bigger risk during this landmark year. (And yes, there have been many Happy Hour celebrations, even if Chad and I have been the only ones in attendance).

Other risks I’ve taken in 2019:

• Wearing white pants: Okay, perhaps the risk that carried the least consequence, but got the biggest response. As a waitress at our favorite restaurant in Duluth (Lake Avenue Cafe) told me: “That’s bold.” So far, surprisingly, I have NOT spilled red wine or anything else on my white pants, and I aspire to write a blog post titled “When I am a Middle-Aged Woman I Shall Wear White Pants.” So,  consider yourself warned: The White Pants Society may be descending upon your favorite performing arts theater next Wednesday afternoon. 
• Being in theater: Speaking of theater, anytime I take the stage as an actress, it’s a risk. Yes, I have the benefit of 10 years of community theater experience (shoutout to my theater anniversary) and I DO actually work really hard to learn my lines and prepare for any role I have, but there are so many things that can happen (go wrong). I can still forget my lines, or trip (Chad actually fell during our last show but did NOT miss a beat or seriously hurt himself), or just do a lackluster job. And no matter what the show, to some extent, you’re making yourself vulnerable. Perhaps the biggest risk is that even if I/we do everything “right,” a show may just not work. I’m really grateful that our theatrical endeavors this year (including our Applause shows “Broken HIll” and “Uh-Oh, Here Comes Christmas” and Duck Soup’s “Belles of the West”) were successful and we really connected with the audiences. 
• Ziplining in Costa Rica: Realistically, this was actually low-risk, but if judged by feels (racing heart, excessive sweating) this was a BIG risk. Despite what my rational brain knew, I felt like I was mocking death. We also risked some sunburns, hangovers and weight gain but had a wonderful and relaxing vacation. 
• Running the Urban Bourbon Half Marathon in Louisville: Yes, I know I have run three marathons (none this year) so a Half Marathon doesn’t seem like that much of a stretch, but just like on stage, anything can happen during a race. And even when everything goes well, like it did with the Urban Bourbon this year, I still risk the blow to my ego that I didn’t do as well as I hoped (still pretty damn good for a 49 year old lady). And yeah, Chad TOTALLY rocked and got a personal record. 
• Talking to strangers while on vacation in Louisville: Openly interacting with strangers that I’ll never see again has never been my thing. It’s not an introvert preference, but maintaining ongoing relationships with friends and family already takes so much energy, it has seemed wrong to misappropriate my social capital. But this vacation I tried a new approach: talk, and more importantly listen, to people I meet. Risk “wasting” some time and live in the present and enjoy meeting some people just because life has brought you together in one particular moment (with or without bourbon).
• Singing in public: I love singing in front of other people, but attempting it always makes me feel like I should be in a Qbrexza commercial. From doing “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” at karaoke in the resort in Costa Rica to recently singing “The Christians and the Pagans” at our church’s solstice service, singing thrills and terrifies me.
• Using our SodaStream while StanLee B is in the house:  StanLee LOVES/HATES (hard to tell the difference) it when we use the SodaStream so every time I use it I risk being knocked over by him (yes, he only weighs 20 pounds but 20 pounds of pure puppy exuberance barrelling at me is NOT insignificant). We’ve had StanLee B for over a year now and life with SLB brings a bunch of risks: traumatized cats, trips to the emergency vet, the death of expensive running socks, interrupted sleep, and cute overload. (We also continue to risk the disapproval and sadness of our cats who still live in the basement to avoid StanLee—but it’s a nice basement, really!)

Of course, not all the risks I’ve taken in 2019 have ended in success. Just a few days ago (at 2:30 in the morning on Christmas) I literally fell on my ass (nothing broken!) because I risked taking StanLee for a walk when it was icy. (Chad just pointed out that in my middle-of-the-night sleepiness I didn’t actually realize I was taking a risk, but I should have). Now I may be attributing more significance to this failure because of recency bias (and because I can still feel the effects in my sore butt and back muscles) but hopefully I’ve learned to think more carefully about consequences the next time I’m tempted to be an impetuous idiot.

As is traditional in my Holiday Letters, I haven’t mentioned Chad very much. Well, to paraphrase Chad, “If I wanted people to know what I was up to, I would write my own damn letter.” So what risks has Chad taken this year? Well, we all define risk differently, but for Chad, the greatest risk may have been seeing if I’ve snuck zucchini into a meal. Suffice it to say that Chad has been very supportive in my risk-taking endeavors and without his calm (okay, sometimes seemingly uninterested) presence, I’m not sure I would have the courage to tackle new challenges. 

And I’ve been supported in so many ways by friends and family and co-workers, so THANK YOU!! I hope 2020 brings you the adventure and opportunity you are looking for!