Amy Lu's View

“I found out something on the internet today about the Triscuit cracker company that just blew my mindgrate…” (TBTL podcast host Luke Burbank at the beginning of the March 26 episode).

As I listened to those words on a recent mid-day walk, I immediately felt a sense of dread.

“What the hell was wrong with Triscuits??!!”

–me

Yes, I immediately assumed Luke discovered something awful. Perhaps it was something horrendous about Triscuit ingredients–not that I considered Triscuits health food, but were they secretly made of puppies? Or maybe it was something terrible about the company ownership and their views or practices. Was this going to be similar to the disappointment of learning about the homophobia of the Bulleit bourbon co-founder?

Big internal sigh. I was just NOT emotionally prepared to learn something bad about Triscuits that would make me feel like I should stop eating them. Although yes, in some ways making me stop Triscuits cold turkey could have long term positive consequences and put an end to all those mornings where I look at an empty Triscuit box and cry to the Heavens “As God is my witness I will never eat Triscuits again!” But I just was not ready to give up such a comfort food in these times of anxiety and uncertainity.

So with baited breath I waited for Luke to deliver the news…and he didn’t. Because Luke apparently felt the listeners should have the experience of finding out about the Triscuit mystery on their own, and he didn’t want to steal the thunder of the Twitter user (Sage Boggs–what an awesome name!) who researched and presented the story.

ARGHH!!!!

But at least by now I had some understanding that the surprising news about Triscuits was positive. I guess I could wait.

And wait I did. When I got back from my walk I had to go back to work so didn’t have time to follow-up on the story, and by the time I finally remembered and went to the TBTL page, I was just presented with several Twitter posts. I got the idea that it had something to do with the history of Triscuits’ name, but I did NOT have the attention or inclination to comb through all that. I just wanted the takeaway.

This morning I heard the Triscuit revelation mentioned again on Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me, which is ironic, because I keep thinking “For the love of God please don’t wait and just effin’ tell me what is up with Triscuits”! Apparently the Twitter story has been quite a social media sensation.

So I finally did a Google search this morning, and found a Snopes story that explained it: “Does ‘Triscuit’ Mean ‘Electric Biscuit’?” (The answer is “yes”).

The subtitle of the story is “The cracker world would never be the same after one Twitter user revealed the origin story of this oddly named snack.”

Never the same? I must be missing something. On the TBTL page it says “Luke is delighted by a Twitter thread about the origins of Triscuits.” I’m happy that Luke, or anyone, is delighted, especially right now, but I just don’t get the excitement. (Hmm, this may be why Chad thinks I don’t have much of a sense of curiousity).

I didn’t read the Snopes story very carefully–way too long for my attention span, but maybe people are mostly impressed by the level of research Sage Boggs did. (I’d be happy to talk about the story with anyone willing to read it more closely and explain it to me–and it gives us something to talk about besides the apocalypse).

And don’t get me wrong, I am super interested in Triscuits. They often delight me. In some ways they are my favorite crackers, and we are a household of cracker enthusiasts (which I blame on Chad–he’s totally corrupted me to the ways of salty crunchy snacks). The only thing I don’t like about them is how calorie-laden they are (which is probably precisely why they are so delightful).

I could easily write a post just on the intricacies of Triscuits and my favorite flavors (top two are probably Garlic and Smoked Gouda. That’s two separate flavors, although combining them would probably also be awesome). I take credit for helping others including band friends–they were a staple of Monday night rehearsals, along with booze, back when we could physically be in the same space– gain more of an appreciation of Triscuits.

Actually, my mindgrate has been blown in looking up Triscuit flavors–I had no idea there were so many flavors, and ones I haven’t even seen. How did we miss the Siracha flavor? Or cranberry? Or pumpkin?

I have been in denial about the disappearance of Wasabi Triscuits, one of my favorite flavors. My friend Stephanie described them as “wasabi flavored cereal,” which was meant to be disparaging, but I say that’s precisely why they were awesome (although I would forego pouring milk on them. But I also eat a lot of dry cereal). The Wasabi Triscuits have probably been discontinued but I haven’t found official confirmation. They still show up on the official Triscuit flavor list but with no information on where to find them. Perhaps Sage Boggs can research that next?