Amy Lu's View

“How did she get dehydrated going to the laundromat? She was doing laundry, it’s not like she ran a marathon. She’s a grown-ass woman–doesn’t she know how to drink water?”–me, complaining about my sister, July 2019

My niece (my brother’s daughter) brought up this rant of mine recently. She found it hilarious at the time, and it still cracks her up. I don’t remember it at all, but I don’t deny it. It totally sounds like me. I unleashed this tirade after my sister and I had a silly fight and she canceled our plans to get together, saying she couldn’t meet me because she was dehydrated after going to the laundromat. While I don’t remember the alleged dehydration situation and my subsequent rant, I do remember the underlying (overarching?) fight that we had, so I’m sure I was in a mood.

While this probably isn’t the best look for me, in the spirit of honesty and authenticiy, I admit I still stand by my rant (and my sister probably had her own rants about me at the time). Putting aside my views on hydration and laundry, I love that my niece remembers this incident fondly, and that it still makes her laugh. I told her to please tell it as a story at my memorial service. (Yes, I hope that’s far in the future, but I’m always on the lookout for content).

What strikes me most about this is not that I gave this diatribe, but that I don’t remember it at all. I can’t even blame this instance of amnesia on alcohol consumption. How many other things have I said and done that I don’t remember? And how many of these things do others remember? 

My brother had some insight on this. Okay, my brother has wisdom to share about many topics, so that’s not unusual, but I think he’s onto something particularly notable with this. “Just think,” he said, “how you can say something that can impact someone for years, even though you don’t know what you said, or why you said it, or what state of mind you were in when you said it. And someone may interpret it in an entirely different way than you meant it.”

Whoa–I often agonize over having said the wrong thing, or not having said the right thing, so this is rather scary. Since my anxiety dance card is pretty full, instead of obsessing about this as a warning to stop saying stupid things, I’m going to focus on how my offhand comments can impact people in a positive way (or at least entertain them). I’m going to try and throw out more random compliments and encouragements, instead of criticisms and insults. I’m also going to try and mellow out about those things that people have said to me that I replay in my mind and analyze over and over–it’s possible that something I find memorable or important was just a throw away comment that they’ve forgotten. 

In the parallel universe where my sister and I had a more functional and healthy relationship, we would have had a mature, honest, and direct conversation about our disagreement so she didn’t feel like she had to resort to the dehydration excuse, and I didn’t rant about behind her back. I can imagine that universe and see how we would have had a relationship that was perhaps more satisfying, but not more loving–or as entertaining. 

And if I don’t occasionally say dumb things or indulge in petty grievances, I’m going to have a pretty boring memorial service.