Amy Lu's View

Renewal.

I immediately think of that word in a library context. Renewing books (and other materials) is big in the library world. It’s important to patrons (and they can get a little testy about it) and it’s been important to me as a patron, too.

I’ve been thinking about “renewal” because our church recently started a story-telling initiative and the theme for the first week was “renewal.”

We were asked these questions as story prompts:

• Have you had an experience that changed your perspective?
• Have you met someone that helped you find a new way being in the world?
• Did you find purpose after a struggle?
• Did finding renewal mean that you had to start something over?

I didn’t actually share a story, but I did think of times, big and small, where I experienced renewal: My current temporary job promotion. Climbing a hill in Scotland and thinking I was in mortal danger (I wasn’t) from blowing off the hill. Running a marathon. Loving and living with Chad. The feeling after I dye my hair. Adopting StanLee. Joining MSUS. Panicking when I’ve forgotten my lines and then getting back on track. Getting back into running after having to take an injury-necessitated hiatus. Ziplining in Costa Rica. Cleaning out the refrigerator. Every time I go to a funeral that is a real and honest celebration of the life of someone who was loved. Watching this year’s DNC Convention. Using the Babbel app to learn Spanish and intending to do it more. Waking up to a new day and going for a run and “vowing” to make better food and alcohol choices in the future. Virtual performances of playing drums or playing piano and singing and intending to practice more. Decluttering. Shaving my legs. Readjusting how I spend my time and energy because of COVID. Reconnecting with friends. Unloading the dishwasher.

Looking back at these examples, I’m both inspired and disheartened. In many ways, renewals for me don’t really seem to stick. Yet, I keep trying and I do make incremental “progress.”

Even my overly literal interepretation of “renewal” in the context of library materials gives me something to think about. I often renew materials as long as I can without ever actually looking at them until the very last possible moment–the day before they are due after repeated renewals.

The prefix “re” means again…a word infused with both hope and frustration. Saying “I will do this again (start again)!” can be desperate, exciting, tired, purposeful.

One thing I know: I will blog again.

Chad considers this a perfectly prepared frozen pizza:

Yes, this is by any notion of objective reality that we can hope to discern as mortal beings, burnt.

Chad agrees that the pizza is burnt, he just considers the burtness a feature, not a bug.

My primary motivation for sharing this photographic evidence is because most people don’t get it when I say Chad likes burnt food. He really LIKES it and he likes it BURNT. No, he doesn’t require or even like that everything is burnt but it is definitely his preference for some things, most notably pizza.

This humble 12-inch $2.50 burnt offering (this is a Roma frozen pizza, Chad’s favorite, and yes it costs $2.50 which we both realize can’t be a good sign) also offers a chance to ponder how we try to make those we love happy.

It makes me remember how my mom used to try so hard to burn meals that she made for Chad. It went against every principle of food preparation that she held dear, but she would set aside portions of whatever hotdish or hotdish-adjacent concoction she was concocting and do her best to burn it just for Chad.

She rarely succeeded but he always appreciated the effort.

It also makes me think of the limitations of the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

We arrogantly tout that in the white West as the pinnacle of ethics and morality, but it doesn’t take a lot of reflection to realize that’s pretty self-invovled. I don’t want Chad (or anyone) to make me a burnt frozen pepperoni pizza (unless I’m REALLY drunk) and Chad certainly doesn’t want a standardly prepared pizza with artichoke hearts.

I think the Silver Rule (Do NOT do unto others what you would not have them to unto you) helps expand our behavioral repertoire but is also insufficient for all situations. (It is also quite arrogant and biased to call this the “Silver” rule since it is mostly based on Eastern religions).

Obviously, no one rule is going to cover all behavioral conundrums, just like no one type of pizza is going to make everyone happy.

But I think it would be really helpful if we paid more attention to people as individuals and what they actually want and need, and not just what we think they want/need/like based on what we want/need/like (rather consciously or unconsciously) or think they should want/need/like. We also shouldn’t reflexively condemn people for what they want/need/like unless we think about it and there is a really good reason to, and we should try to be open to learning from what others want/need/like. (Case in point: I don’t like my pizza as burnt as Chad but after 30 plus years of frozen pizza-related buying and preparing and eating and sometimes fighting–actually our second biggest fight ever was about frozen pizza–I DO like my pizza more burnt than I ever did).

Um, yeah, that’s not really much of a “rule” or even a “guideline” as a meandering…which I like. In fact, my rule is that I generally like meanderings much better than rules. And I think the most appropriate metal for anything related to me is probably aluminum (given all the pop I drink) so I think I just invented:

The Aluminum Meandering

-me, inventing a moral suggestion

It’s also a great band name.

I’ve never claimed to be a meteorologist, but I think thunder doesn’t only happen when it’s raining.

So just a moment, let me Google that…I’ll be right back.

[Virtual hold music…]

It doesn’t. There can be thunder without rain, at least according to the cursory search I just did. Yes, the search was half-assed and not worthy of a librarian, but since the results confirm my bias it’s worthy of a blogger and I’m going to run with it.

(Not going to get into the details of how/why/when thunder happens without rain, y’all can Google that yourselves if you care).

I only care about thunder without rain because I recently performed the songs “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac at our church’s virtual coffee house.

As a child of the seventies, I loved–and still love–that Fleetwood Mac song. I decided to do it for coffee house because I was pleasantly surprised to discover it only has two chords (more or less) and is in my vocal range (such that it is).

Performing the song gave me the opportunity to delve into the lyrics far more deeply than child Amy ever did–remember the interwebs weren’t widespread until I was almost 30. Okay, that does mean that I could have looked into the lyrics anytime in the last 20 years, so I must own not making that a priority.

As I expected, I was bemused my some of the lyrics but also totally blown away by others. Yes, a line by line commentary of my thoughts would be delightfully insightful, wouldn’t it? Here you go:

Amy’s Long And Rambling Dissection of the Lyrical Meaning, Relevance, and Significance of the Song “Dreams” by Stevie Nicks as performed by Fleetwood Mac

Now here you go again
You say you want your freedom
Well, who am I to keep you down (Off to a good start, young Amy understood these lyrics–literally and figuratively, more or less)
It’s only right that you should
Play the way you feel it (Wow, this feels really contemporary, like “You do you!” And I never knew what these lyrics were before looking them up).
But listen carefully (Hmmm, don’t think I literally knew what Stevie was singing here, either…from now on, let’s just assume that I could NOT decipher Stevie’s vocal stylings)
To the sound of your loneliness

Like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost
And what you had
And what you lost

(Holy crap–that is amazing! Beautiful, haunting and heartbreaking. Did Stevie write this? I don’t think so…[quick Google break]…Wow, Stevie DID write it! Way to go, Stevie! Way to tell Lindsay to go F himself in a gorgeous way. And not to assume that everyone knows the Stevie Nicks/Lindsay Buckingham reference…oh, again, just Google it!)

Thunder only happens when it’s rainin’ (okay, here’s the lyrically infamous and meteorologically dubious but at least decipherable and certainly memorable line that I am certainly not the first person to make fun of )
Players only love you when they’re playin’ (I think even as a kid I wondered what type of players she was referring to–players in a band? Because we love you whenever you are giving us positive feedback, whether or not we’re playing at the time. I can’t speak to sports players, sexual players, gambling/game players, etc…)
Say women, they will come and they will go (So simple, but I never understood “Say women”…I thought it was “Say when, they were coming there going” which is more about lying that being fickle. And how many other people say “Say” as a way to start a thought besides my mother and Michael Jackson/Paul McCartney?)
When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know (Does anyone ever feel clean after being rained on? I always want to take a shower after that. Well, I guess I don’t know yet..)
You’ll know (Is this a promise or a threat?)

Now here I go again
I see the crystal visions (I still think this may be WITH crystal visions)
I keep my visions to myself (Sorry, going to go perhaps a little too serious but this reminds me of when my dad had hallucinations but was savvy enough not to tell others about them)
It’s only me who wants to wrap around your dreams (Love this, don’t know what it means…she wants to protect him unlike those other coming and going women who only love him when it thunders?)
And have you any dreams you’d like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness

Like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had (Again, beautiful, poignant–I knew “Rumors” was full of relationship drama but had no idea it was so poetic, and of course loss doesn’t have to be only about ending relationships. Bonus points for successfully using “mad” instead of “crazy” feels–elegant)

And what you lost
And what you had
Ooh, what you lost

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I was sincerely, mostly unabashedly into this song while I was singing it. Listening to the recording (fortified by alcohol) I realize my performance was not as good as it seemed to me in the moment, but I played it the way I felt it.

And Chad even played guitar with me (don’t worry, there’s no art imitating life with the Stevie/Lindsay dynamic at play here).

“Luedtke has been with the Hennepin County Library system for more than two decades”

Description of me from a local television interview

I’m proud that I’ve been a librarian with Hennepin County Library for over twenty years (my 21st anniversary is in September) and I feel extremely fortunate to have the job I do.

Still, it was a little disconcerting when I was recently interviewed on a local Twin Cities television station to hear the announcer state “Luedtke has been with the Hennepin County Library system for more than two decades” in a voiceover (https://www.kare11.com/article/news/education/hennepin-county-libraries-ready-to-pick-up-bigger-role-as-distance-learning-approaches-in-fall/89-6debc869-4468-4014-a9b6-22073f9c5106).

My brother suggested the Amy “2 Decades” Luedtke moniker in a text and asked if Amy “4 score” Luedtke is in the future. (Not unless I make some major lifestyle changes and/or there are technological breakthroughs).

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Compelling as the public attention focused on my age/experience and the merriment it caused my sibling is, it was actually NOT the point of the interview.

The point was all the amazing online and virtual resources our library system has for students, educators, and caregivers and the amazing staff who work at libraries across our county to serve them.

Thankfully, I think I did an okay job sharing this message in a relatively articulate manner that wasn’t too strange and off-putting.

I love attention (as everyone knows), so I had a fun time doing the interview. Yes, I was extremely nervous but that’s always part of the excitement of a “performance.” The reporter and camera man were nice and supportive and I had our Communications Director there for much appreciated moral support (yes, meeting my co-worker for the first time in person because of COVID).

Yes, I wish I had managed to look a little more chic and glamorous but I didn’t have a whole lot of time to prepare. I did like the dress I was wearing and it was fun to have my first opportunity to wear the “professional” dress that Chad got me before lockdown hit, and the interviewer recognized it was an Everlane brand (TBTL podcast shoutout) dress! However it was a little bunchy because I was sitting down.

My hair was a mess which I could blame on lockdown but that’s really just how I handle my hair.

Actually it was a good thing I was notified about the interview rather last minute so I didn’t have too much time to obsess about it. My biggest emotional/spiritual/psychological turmoil came from driving in downtown Minneapolis. Mistakes were made. Let’s just leave it at that. No one was injured and my spectacular failure in driving downtown put things in perspective–no one was likely to die from my interview.

But I’ll say it again–all my vain obsessing aside, the interview wasn’t really about me at all but our wonderful library resources and staff and how they can help our public. And since I have been immersed in this wonder for more than 2 decades, I was hopefully able to share the story that I honestly am proud of.

Still, I’m immensely appreciative of the people who saw the story and gave me positive feedback and support (and I don’t believe in a statue of limitations on praise).

Just don’t ask me what the Dewey Decimal classification number is for narcissim.

I’m no graphic artist, but the new logo for the newly named Seattle hockey team doesn’t look much like StanLee.

This seems problematic as the team is “The Kraken” and StanLee IS the Kraken. My brother said so. When he housesat for us in the Before Times he would text me “Release the Kraken!” when he let StanLee out of his crate. It was a battle cry Chad and I soon adopted when we let StanLee out of his crate or out of the house.

In case you’ve missed the memo, StanLee is a bit hyperactive.

StanLee is definitely THE Kraken of the Chamy household, but maybe it’s not fair or accurate to claim he is the only Kraken. After all, the Kraken started as a mythological Norse beast before making it big as a meme from a cheesey cult 80’s movie so I guess the Kraken could be a cute, adorable, out-of-control little dog and a hockey mascot.

I wouldn’t know that “Release the Kraken!” is a meme from “Clash of the Titans” if it wasn’t for my brother. And I THOUGHT it was from the 1981 movie (which I just called cheesy but oh I loved it as an 11-year-old) but now after doing some Googling it looks like there was also a 2010 movie reboot that may have inspired the meme? Well I’m sticking with the 1981 version as my source of truth.

I was suprised when the weekly Trivia Mafia email that I received yesterday said that the Kraken was a Norse creature. I had in my head that it was a warm water beast–probably because “Clash of the Titans” is about Greek mythology (more or less). I also learned from the Trivia Mafia email that the Kraken inspired Lovecraft’s Cthulhu–cool.

As I say over and over again, I don’t believe in destiny or fate or signs, but I did decide to interpret the arrival of the Trivia Mafia newsletter about the Kraken as inspiration to blog our our Kraken (even though I clearly don’t have that much to say blog about).

One of the co-hosts of Chamy’s favorite podcast (Too Beautiful Too Live) was talking about the new Seattle team name and logo (which is really the only reason I know about it) and mistakenly said “Embrace the Kraken” instead of “Release the Kraken”. But sometimes you need to Embrace your Kraken, sometimes you need to Release it (for everything there is a season…)

I AM a little disappointed that the Seattle logo not only doesn’t look like StanLee (although the S could stand for StanLee) but that it doesn’t have anything obvious to do with a tentacled sea creature. (I know y’all can Google the logo if you haven’t already see it so I’m not going to include it…and I can’t easily find an image of it to upload. #$%& copyright!)

Again, not that I care anything about hockey but tentacles are cool.

“These glasses aren’t real. I just wanted to look smart. And sexy. Like a librarian. A smart, sexy, librarian.”

–Me, as the character “Stephanie” in the one-act “The Seven Men of Hanukkah”

This weekend I got to say that amazingly appropriate line in a short two-person play that Chad and I performed for a friend’s birthday party.

Or maybe it was a amazingly INappropriate line as I actually AM a librarian and I was wearing REAL glasses (just non-prescription readers, but still).

I’ll just walk away from the question of looking sexy.

But I think I may have buried the lead…I GOT TO BE IN A PLAY.

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HOW was this possible during the pandemic? We performed outside, at a private party for a small group of folks who knew each other, and we maintained social distance from the audience, at least during the performance. I’m afraid that I didn’t do a great job of social distancing when it was time for my falafel feeding frenzy, but it was a really windy day.

Being married to my co-star and director also was an important factor. We didn’t have to worry about contaminating each other during the performance or rehearsals (at least no more than we normally do).

It was so rewarding and fun to be able to perform again. And the audience really seemed to enjoy it, and it was wonderful to share their energy. To again quote my character, Stephanie, “…when the lights went up, it was like anything was possible. It was fun and exciting and playful and more joyful than life.” (Obviously we didn’t have lights in the park but the idea is the same).

Doing our little play was even more meaningful because it’s been six months since we’ve acted in a live setting, and we have no idea how long it will be before we can be in or see live theater again. (Although if you’re interested in a 10-15 Rom Com for an upcoming small outdoor gather you’re planning, please let me know!)

Although if you’re interested in a 10-15 Rom Com for an upcoming small outdoor gather you’re planning, please let me know!

–Me, trying to find more opportunities for Chamy to act

Peforming at a party in a park did present us with some new challenges. As we were outside and it was super windy, we basically had to shout at each other to make sure we were heard, and our props–though minimal–were in danger of blowing away. Thankfully, we performed on a day that wasn’t too hot so we didn’t have to worry about being all sweaty and gross.

We were also trying to surprise the birthday honoree, so neither he nor most of the audience knew that we were going to perform. That gave me the chance to do a little performance art and start setting up for the play like I was just a real (although odd) person setting up for an audition in the park. This pseudo audience interaction (which Director Chad though of as we pulled into the parking lot) was fun and slightly terrifying (but I had the legitmate reason to take a selfie as part of a performance).

We also faced the familar–though no less terrifying–challenge of me forgetting a line that Chad couldn’t cover for. The wind turned out to be a boon in this case because Chad could whisper “thesbian!” at me and unobtrusively remind me of my next line. (Aren’t you dying to see this play now?)

I forgot how much I love getting a new script and highlighting my lines…and how much I love NOT having to worry about learning/remembering lines once the play is over (although since it was just the two of us we did get to play rather fast and loose with this script).

I also forgot how much I love playing quirky, awkward, hyperactive characters. I may be typecasting myself as an actress, but it’s so much fun to play a character in my wheelhouse.

Time to go for my semi-real glasses.

I am currently NOT in training for anything.

At least not as a runner. I don’t have any races–virtual or IRL–that I am preparing for.

(But yes, I am STILL running. I hope to keep doing so as long as I possibly can and I hope that means I’ll be running yet for many, many years).

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Not being in training means that I can be streaking, because it’s not part of my training plan to take rest days (no running days). It may be recommended that I take rest days (particularly by my husband) but I don’t feel the same inspiration to do so because I don’t need recovery from long runs.

Just to be clear, streaking in the running context does not involve any nudity or novelty songs, (I mean I guess it could but it doesn’t have to) but just running X number of days in a row. The only rule I’m aware of is that you have to run at least a mile for it to count. Often the goal is to reach a certain number of days and there is a shared challenge on a social media.

I had hoped to do a 50 day running streak starting on my birthday to celebrate turning 50, but I developed a mysterious injury or ailment in my thigh and couldn’t run for months. Long story short (and already blogged about repeatedly), I was finally able to start running again and today completed Day 62 of my streak.

There’s no significance to Day 62–today is the just the day that I had time to blog about it. In 62 days I’ve run 296.4 miles. So maybe it would have made more sense to blog about this tomorrow or whenever I pass the 300 mile mark, but again, it’s all about the timing.

Now that I’ve made it past 50 days, I don’t really have a goal in mind for how long I want my streak to be, except for some curiousity about how long I can “reasonably” keep the streak going. (By “reasonably” I mean without going to lengths that are too weird or annoying to Chad).

Since I only have to do a mile a day for it to count, weather and time has been the biggest barrier. I think I should be able to keep my streak going until at least the end of the summer, barring injury (it’s not like I’ll be travelling and not able to run).

Actually, yesterday was a rather significat day since it was the first day of this running season that I ran a mile in under 9 minutes (barely). But I don’t have any requirements for how fast or well I run any of my streaking miles, I just have to do it.

And each day’s run does have its own challenges and meaning, such as “Yay, I got up in time to run before my early morning meeting” or “Yay, I ran even though it was hot and I was hugover and yes, I really should know better but that’s not what this is about…”

Probably the most appealing thing about a running streak is that it’s something to count and observe and a challenge of sorts, but also very flexible. Almost organic. It’s running without a goal or a purpose, besides just to do it. I didn’t even know when I started my streak that I was starting it (metaphor alert!) and I don’t have an end in sight.

So streaking feels significantly different than training in many ways, and there’s not necessarily a goal or purpose to it. But they both share the important commonality of giving me an excuse to take selfies.

I will NOT let the mosquitoes thwart me!

…Or, maybe I will. Check back in with me at 2:00 a.m. when I’m awake because tonight’s newly acquired bites (4 or 5?) are itching so badly that I can’t sleep.

And what noble endeavor are the mosquitoes trying to keep me from accomplishing? Visiting as many local parks as I can.

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After 4 months of not venturing outside of my neighborhood very often, I decided it was time to start exploring some parks. At first, I was thinking of well known or iconic parks. Yes, after living in Minneapolis more than 20 years, I have only given beloved spots such as Minnehaha Falls a cursuory perusal. What better time to remedy that than now, when COVID has freed up my calendar?

Ah yes, COVID–I’m usually not a fan of crowds in ideal circumstances, but certainly want to maintain social distancing now, even if I’m outside. Would this be a problem I’d encounter while enjoying the great (tamed) outdoors?

Why yes, yes it would. Not really a suprise when I was at Minnehaha Falls, but I did NOT expect to see an actual sporty GAME being played tonight by 20 plus people breathing heavily on each other at a Long Lake Park in Ramsey County. (I was too freaked out to look at the scene too closely to even see what they were playing–something with a frisbee?)

So yes, I was at a less iconic but very lovely in its own way (and mostly quieter and peaceful except for the berserk people congregating near the pavilion) park tonight which demonstrates that I just want to get out and take in whatever nature and novelty I can.

This post is like a tangled knot of necklaces in my jewelry box–the topics are so intertwined it’s hard to tell where one starts and one ends. So let me at least identify the topics:

• Mosquitoes
• Personal growth and horizon expansion
• Chagrin it’s taken me this long to do these things
• Pride at not getting lost in a park
• Mosquitoes
• Nature (see also “beauty of” and “spiritually calming effect of”)*
• #$%& mosquitoes
• Fears of COVID
• Discovery and exploration
• Anger at people oblivious to COVID
• #*@#$ MOSQUITOES!!!

And yes, I do use mosquito repellant spray, I’m not an idiot. At least I’m not an idiot after the last time that I didn’t use spray and got several bites. But tonight I strayed off the paved trail (okay maybe I am an idiot) and the mosquitoes flew up my clothes and bit me. And I would take photos of the bites and how swollen they are to prove that I’m not a wimp (or not a total wimp) but they are on my back…and ass.

So, continuous improvement! Next time I will spray dangerous chemicals on my bare skin AND under my clothes.

Because, bitching aside, I am finding this obsession pretty darn cool. Okay, maybe by tomorrow I will have lost interest, but still, I’ve been to FOUR parks in ONE week which is way better than my rate of visitation in 22 years.

If I were a better blogger (or at least one with more time to both get to more parks and write about them) I would get into more details about each park experience and its unique delights and challenges.

So selfies and railing against mosquitoes and the universe that created them will have to suffice.

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*Yes, an attempt at librarian humor

This post is simply going to be a rant–nothing artistically, philosophically, or spiritually relevant or entertaining about it.

Okay, you’ve been warned, so let the ranting commence:

The Current radio station should NOT use articles (“a”, “and”, “the”) to alphabetize songs for its A to Z Weekend!!

–me, screaming into The Void

Now don’t get me wrong, I am an extremely loyal fan of The Current and support them financially and in every other way that I can. I love the community they’ve created and take delight in so much of what they do. But then, every Fourth of July weekend, they do THIS. They claim to play the best songs in their music library in alphabetical order, but they alphabetize the songs using articles!

If they committed this heresy quietly, I may be able to endure it. But no, the DJs (again, whom I love) will draw attention to their blasphemy by making comments like “Oh, isn’t it wild that A Boy Named Sue by Johnny Cash ends up being played next to Joni MItchell’s A Case of You when we alphabetize our music library?”

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NO, it’s not funny or interesting because for the love of all that is good and holy, you have NOT ALPHABETIZED YOUR MUSIC LIBRARY. I don’t know what you have done, but this travesty is not alphabetization.

Now, you may say I’m overreacting to this “alphabetizing” sacrilege because I’m a librarian and yeah, well, okay. As much as I like to rail against librarian stereotypes, fine, whatever–I’ll concede that maybe this is only important to me because I’m in a profession grounded in the very act of alphabetizing (at least I think it is–I’m a librarian, damnit, not a historian).

But I contend that one doesn’t have to be a librarian to know that this is JUST NOT RIGHT. And because I am a librarian, I can cites some sources, including the Modern Language Association (https://style.mla.org/articles-and-alphabetization/) and the American Psychological Association. I will even quote their blog: “When alphabetizing titles or group names as authors, go by the first significant word (disregard a, an, the, etc.).”

I think I could also deal with this Fourth of July travesty if the Current was open about it. If they boldly said, “Yeah, we know you’re not supposed to alphabetize titles by articles but hey, we’re innovators, we’re disruptors, we’re questioning the A-Z paradigm, so deal with it” I’d try to rise to the challenge. I don’t want to unthinkingly support the status quo.

But no, they just proudly play A Day in the Life followed by A Girl Like You like it’s normal. Like it’s right. Like that’s the way everybody does these things–always has, always will.

I think they are gaslighting me. Because they have to know. And if for some reason they didn’t know when they started this “A-Z” thing years ago, as a public radio station, they must get feedback/complaints/pleas for help from at least some of their nerdy listeners.

Okay, rant done. I realize that by posting this I’m opening myself up to correction and criticism, and I’ll try to be prepared for getting schooled.

And I’m either going to have to turn The Current off or drink heavily as they make their way through the “The’s”.