Amy Lu's View

I spent every free moment I had on Monday trying to learn to pronounce “Cyclosporiasis.”

Thankfully, I didn’t need to call the doctor and say I had it. I was hoping to update the lyrics of my song “Salad Days” for an open mic performance tonight. 

I don’t write topical or current events related songs–at least I don’t intend to. But when you have a song called “Salad Days” that is literally about salad (as a jumping off point for a humorous yet moving song about my complicated and quirky relationships to food and Chad and Chad’s eccentricities about eating), I think you are morally obligated to at least make an attempt to meet the moment. 

I only intended to make a few small changes to the song lyrics, but it turned out to be surprisingly hard to remember my edits. I just couldn’t keep them in my head. 

As I sat in the audience at open mic (at the wonderful Railwerks in Columbia Heights) I kept going back and forth on if I was going to be bold and try my updated version of the song. Yes, it was a wonderful and friendly crowd mostly comprised of regulars who I knew would be supportive and understanding (there were even two bona fide Salad Days “fans” in the audience) even if I failed spectacularly, but it’s never easy to flop. Plus, I was farther down on the sign-up list that I usually am (I like to perform early in the line-up so I can relax and listen the rest of the evening) and as I listened to the other musicians I felt my song slipping away from me. It was no longer merely a matter of not knowing my new lyrics–I couldn’t even remember the chords to Salad Days anymore. 

Finally the moment arrived: it was time for me to take the stage. Every time I play this is a bit of a production as getting my keyboard onstage and set up is time and labor intensive, even with the help I always graciously get (have I mentioned open mic folks can be the BEST?). I’m always slightly embarrassed it takes so much effort to get me set up just so I can noodle around with a few chords. But I decided to embrace my awkwardness. As long as I was taking up so much metaphorical and somewhat literal space with my keyboard, why not try to sing my ballad of salad with my updated and timely lyrics? I’m not the world’s most accomplished singer, keyboardist, or songwriter, but my original songs are truly original. How could I deny a world in the grips of a salad crisis a song about salad? 

So I sang my salad song. And I was more or less successful. I only forgot a few chords and my voice only wavered a bit. I really don’t know if I correctly pronounced “cyclosporiasis” but it was close enough. (I think a few people were a little nervous when I introduced my song by practicing my pronunciation of “cyclosporiasis” but I assured them the lyrics weren’t going to be graphic). People in the audience listened, and they smiled and laughed. And I felt mighty because I did something I was scared to do. 

Hmmm, two things I love to do–perform and eat salad–can be scary, but I plan to keep on doing them for the foreseeable future (though not at the same time). I’m not sure if I’ll do my Cyclosporiasis version of “Salad Days” again, even though it unfortunately looks like it’s going to be timely for a while. 

And now…my lyrics to “Salad Days” with the new lyrics at the end in bold.

Salad Days*  

Our salad days are every day   
If you take it literally
I eat fresh veggies all day long 
and hope you’ll share them with me
You don’t object to a plant-based diet 
You’re down with brussel sprouts
But you resent the time and effort 
Sometimes you want to shout

I’m too tired for a salad
I think that’s valid
I’m frustrated by defeat
Because I have to eat

Your days are filled with meetings and work
You’re worried, hassled and stressed 
Having to stop to eat some food
Puts your patience to the test
Your family has misophonia
It can drive you nuts when I munch
I eat in another room 
So you don’t have to hear the crunch

You’re too wired for my salad
I guess that’s valid
Does it feel like defeat?
If you hear me eat

Carrots, broccoli** 
Have a high ROI 
Carrots, broccoli 
Have a high ROI

You’re still hoping for the day
When you can just take a pill
Eating should be saved for special times
Only something you do at will
But I want to chew as much as I can
No smoothies for me
Booze is the only reason for me to
Drink my calories

Please give me a salad 
I think that’s valid
I think a salad is a treat
It lets me eat and eat and eat

But now salad is a menace
Cyclosporiasis is out to get us

Now I’m scared of my salad
I think that’s valid 
It’s a vegetarian defeat
I might have to eat some meat

*The phrase “Salad Days” is from Shakespeare but I didn’t know that when I wrote the song. I just had the phrase floating around in the back of my head.

**I mispronounce broccoli as broc-oh-lie so it rhymes with ROI, inspired by an in-joke from the play “Calendar Girls” that I was in last summer