Amy Lu's View

I never used to be a hugger.

It’s just not what my rural German family or community did. I definitely spent the first-half of my life not hugging people. We only hugged on VERY special occasions–actually, graduation is the only occasion I can think of.

Then I met the Snyders. They hugged in greeting and in farewell!

My transition to becoming a hugger was filled with some angst and awkwardness (I think I scared/pleasantly surprised my grandmother the first time I hugged her as an adult), but now I am a full-fledged hugger. I may even tend toward over hugging, as I’ve learned it’s a nice social shortcut. Don’t know what to do? Hug! (Oh, and some of my excessive hugging may be inspired by alcohol consumption).

Virtual Happy Hour selfie with the Scooby Gang…wish I could hug these people! (We may keep up virtual socializing though as a supplemnt to IRL socializing–much easier to get together. I expect there will be many situations in the future where people still want to do virtual sometimes because of convenience).

Rather, I WAS a hugger. Obviously, there’s no hugging of friends and family in social isolation. (Yes, there is some Chamy hugging but we’re not extravagant). Of course, I hug/wrestle StanLee a lot, on Hug Your Dog Day (April 10) and every day.

People give Chad a lot of crap for not being a hugger or a smiler, but I totally support Chad in these manifestations of his Chadliness. He’ll hug or smile if he wants to. Of course, Chad could care less if people disapprove of his emotional/social expressions.

I think my early days as a non-hugger are serving me well, as I can adapt to a low-hugging lifestyle pretty easily. I wonder if I’ll have to learn to hug again when it’s no longer dangerous?

*In high school we did a production of the play “Teach Me How To Cry” and that title has always stuck with me. Crying was another thing that my people did not do.

I can’t believe I’ve almost completed Week 4 of WFH full-time.

Official “Shelter At Home”/”Never F#$in Go Anywhere” didn’t start until a few days later…but however it’s counted, it’s very surreal. Time actually feels like it’s speeding up the longer we’re sequestered, which could be a good thing–I’m not bored–but I’m also not getting any younger. Do I want to spend my dwindling prime this way?

I’m also a little worried that by the time I can be out in the world again I won’t want to be or even know how.

On a podcast I’m now listening to, “Stay the F. Homekins,” co-host Janie Haddad Tompkins mentioned Ray Bradbury’s short story ” All Summer In A Day” and how it captures creepy timelessness. (Yes listening to podcasts is one of my apocalypse hobbies.)

Yes, I’m going to be very sexist and mention that Janie is married to someone more famous, comedian Paul F. Tompkins.

So Janie didn’t actually mention the title of the story because she couldn’t remember it and got some of the details wrong, but it was definitely that story.

I was so excited because I read that story 40 years ago as part of the ” Junior Great Books” program and it’s stayed with me ever since. I’ll bring it up sometimes in conversation but I’ve never met anyone else who knows it. But it actually is quite famous and well-known, so I’m just indulging in feeling precious.

I just tried to communicate my joy and excitement to the podcast via Twitter, but I don’t really get Twitter (don’t even get me started on Instagram). Sadly they don’t have a Facebook page.

This last month has felt like one big long day. Without something to differentiate one day from another, it all just melds together. I’m sure there is some benefit to experiencing time in a new way and to resetting my personal clock. I do think if I was more present in the moment time would seem less fleeting…but #NotEvenCloseToThatYet.

I could also benefit from not trying to enjoy All Bourbon In A Day or All Peanut Butter In a Day…

Sometimes it takes me a while to figure out how to end an online meeting–I literally can’t quickly find the “Leave meeting” button in Zoom or the hang up phone icon in Teams or Skype.

This seems to be seeping into my real life.

I don’t want this post to be an “Oh the Perils of Pauline Working From Home!” I feel very grateful to be able to work from home, I like a lot about working from home, I’m pretty used to working at home, and I don’t have problems with work life meshing with home life–I think the flexibility of my schedule (and not catching a disease) more than compensates for that.

I don’t have a problem with virtual meetings, either. Are they really that much more awkward than in-person meetings? They’re just awkard/silly in a different way. Most of my job pre-COVID was meetings–both virtual and in-person–anyway. Yes, there are more meetings, and we do tend to use video more.

I do think it’s interesting that virtual meetings are both more distant and more personal–we’re all getting to see more of each others’ homes and facial expressions than before. I was proud when someone remarked today that they like “the dog and the bar in the background” when referring to me.

And I’m super thankful we have the option of virtual Happy Hours and whatnot. I love our church service via Zoom and our church lunches.

However, I am having trouble realizing that I’m not in a virtual meeting when I’m “asleep.” The last three or four nights, I’ve spent hours dreaming that I’m in an online meeting. (Luckily, I’ve stopped worrying about being on camera in just my pajamas like I did the first night).

This is hardly the first time I’ve had trouble differentiating my sleeping and waking life. When I was in fifth grade and a very local spelling bee “champion,” I would practice spelling words in my sleep. In recent times, I occasionally dream about needing to put things that are really unrelated to work on our staff intranet.

And don’t get me started on “Suzy”–she’s the ghost that lives in the upstairs of the dream version of the house that is supposed to be the apartment I shared with girlfriends in Eau Claire but is out in the country in Iowa. I will wake myself up screaming about/at Suzy (have no idea why she is named Suzy, although I did work with a girl at B. Daltons in Iowa named Suzy?)

I’ve also had stress dreams lately not related to online meetings or the ghost of booksellers. I recently dreamed I was at A BUFFET–WITH OTHER PEOPLE in the middle of this pandemic, and freaking out because people weren’t even trying to social distance, but hey, it was a buffet and they had rice noodles and I didn’t want to let good food go to waste.

And just the other night I dreamed I was at my parents’ house out on the tundra and trying to water and save their houseplants–specifically china dolls. Chad and I had a big ass china doll at least 15 years ago but have no houseplants now. A dream about being productive with this extra time? Of planting seeds that will grow in the future? Of feeling guilty about not gardening?

I better cut myself off before I start reminiscing about all the recurring stressmares I have (dead parents and pets that aren’t really dead but have been hanging out and I’ve ignored them, trying to close a library/store and the customers won’t leave and just keep coming in, being at a meal with no vegetarian food/accidentally eating meat…)

Yes, I could take responsibility for how I manage my stress and try to find some healthier coping strategies. No, I do not mediate. Yes, at least I drink decaffeinated tea in addition to bourbon?

We are so happy we got to order delivery from one of our favorite restaurants, Hai Hai, last night. This is the first weekend they’ve been open for takeout or delivery since all Minnesota restaurants closed for in-person dining.

We love the food–and cocktails–from Hai Hai, but it’s more than just a restaurant or bar. It’s OUR PLACE (or one of a very select few). Everybody didn’t know our name there, but several of the bartenders did. Chad and I shared many good meals and deep (drunken) conversations at Hai Hai.

And Sunday was usually our day to go–not every Sunday, but many. Sometimes for brunch but often on our way home from Pigeons From Hell practice.

Hai Hai was the last place we went on an outing (exactly 3 weeks ago) before sheltering in place started. And while I loved being there, as always, I was uneasy with how crowded it was. It was definitely not an environment of social isolation, and the experience helped me understand why restaurants closed down soon after.

Getting to order from Hai Hai was a little taste of an oasis, and the normalcy of pre-COVID-19 life.

And it was damn tasty (I LOVE their spring rolls with mock duck). We even got to buy the cocktail mix for Tour Bus Tales. All we/Chad had to do was add gin.

Hopefully our business will be a small contribution in helping Hai Hai survive the pandemic.

In normal life Chad and I rarely get takeout or delivery–if I’m going to consume all those additional calories, I want the experience of going out. Plus figuring out the various delivery apps and making sure StanLee was secured and didn’t escape when the delivery came was a pain in the ass. But now that the restaurant experience is no longer an option, we’ll definitely order from them again (and other local restaurants like the Mill) until we can go there in person again someday.

Swell background inspirational music…at least COVID-19 gives us an excuse to feel like ordering takeout is virtuous.

This weekend our Hunkering-Down-At-Home lead me to try something new: Chad and I played a game.

Actually, the game–Marvel ReCharge card game–is quite old. We’ve had it for about 20 years. But we’ve only played it once in that whole time, because, as I’ve said many times in many ways, I don’t really like games.

I have nothing against games or gamers, but I don’t like rules, or, to be more accurate, I don’t like spending the time or attention to learn rules. I also get bored with games pretty quickly.

If a game is super simple and won’t take too long to play, I might like it. I’m definitely not interested in strategy or role playing games. And usually, I would just rather hang out and talk. But if a game doesn’t require me to think too hard and I can still be social while playing it, I could get into it. I have definitely enjoyed Cards Against Humanity in my time and video games like Mario Kart that can be fun even if you suck at them. Fairly recently I even realized I like Banagrams.

Perhaps I just hit my game quota as a young person. I remember playing Risk with my brother for hours and hours as a kid and thinking that was grand (my brother even had an original song he would sing when engaged in an across the sea campaign. I still remember it: “Oh we’re going on a boat, and we’re never coming back.” Ask me to sing it for you sometime, it’s more impressive when you hear it. Just be advised if you ask me to sing other songs that my brother used to regale us with that they are NSFW). We also played Monopoly, and I loved playing Yahtzee and Gin Rummy with my mom.

As a teen, I liked to play the card game Bullshit with my friends and even the board game Life. But we had our own totally kick-ass and angsty rules for Life that involved having to draw the names of actual boys from our school to be our husbands, and we could have multiple cars full of husbands and children.

I’m not sure how or why Chad and I acquired the Marvel card game. I think we liked buying the card packs and I also don’t think I really understood how disinterested I could be in games (with age comes self-knowledge). So the only time we ever played it was about 5 years ago when we were on a little getaway up north.

It was actually my idea to play it now because:

• The card packs have been sitting around our house taking up space for 20 years so it seems like we should at least try ot play it
• I thought the rules were pretty simple
• I now have a better apprecaition of games as a shared activity
• What better time than now to try something a little different that we can do at home?
• Chad didn’t seem very interested in Banagrams (although I’m going to keep trying to sell it).

This could be the start of a new chapter in my life. I’m even considering buying Exploding Kittens…

“I found out something on the internet today about the Triscuit cracker company that just blew my mindgrate…” (TBTL podcast host Luke Burbank at the beginning of the March 26 episode).

As I listened to those words on a recent mid-day walk, I immediately felt a sense of dread.

“What the hell was wrong with Triscuits??!!”

–me

Yes, I immediately assumed Luke discovered something awful. Perhaps it was something horrendous about Triscuit ingredients–not that I considered Triscuits health food, but were they secretly made of puppies? Or maybe it was something terrible about the company ownership and their views or practices. Was this going to be similar to the disappointment of learning about the homophobia of the Bulleit bourbon co-founder?

Big internal sigh. I was just NOT emotionally prepared to learn something bad about Triscuits that would make me feel like I should stop eating them. Although yes, in some ways making me stop Triscuits cold turkey could have long term positive consequences and put an end to all those mornings where I look at an empty Triscuit box and cry to the Heavens “As God is my witness I will never eat Triscuits again!” But I just was not ready to give up such a comfort food in these times of anxiety and uncertainity.

So with baited breath I waited for Luke to deliver the news…and he didn’t. Because Luke apparently felt the listeners should have the experience of finding out about the Triscuit mystery on their own, and he didn’t want to steal the thunder of the Twitter user (Sage Boggs–what an awesome name!) who researched and presented the story.

ARGHH!!!!

But at least by now I had some understanding that the surprising news about Triscuits was positive. I guess I could wait.

And wait I did. When I got back from my walk I had to go back to work so didn’t have time to follow-up on the story, and by the time I finally remembered and went to the TBTL page, I was just presented with several Twitter posts. I got the idea that it had something to do with the history of Triscuits’ name, but I did NOT have the attention or inclination to comb through all that. I just wanted the takeaway.

This morning I heard the Triscuit revelation mentioned again on Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me, which is ironic, because I keep thinking “For the love of God please don’t wait and just effin’ tell me what is up with Triscuits”! Apparently the Twitter story has been quite a social media sensation.

So I finally did a Google search this morning, and found a Snopes story that explained it: “Does ‘Triscuit’ Mean ‘Electric Biscuit’?” (The answer is “yes”).

The subtitle of the story is “The cracker world would never be the same after one Twitter user revealed the origin story of this oddly named snack.”

Never the same? I must be missing something. On the TBTL page it says “Luke is delighted by a Twitter thread about the origins of Triscuits.” I’m happy that Luke, or anyone, is delighted, especially right now, but I just don’t get the excitement. (Hmm, this may be why Chad thinks I don’t have much of a sense of curiousity).

I didn’t read the Snopes story very carefully–way too long for my attention span, but maybe people are mostly impressed by the level of research Sage Boggs did. (I’d be happy to talk about the story with anyone willing to read it more closely and explain it to me–and it gives us something to talk about besides the apocalypse).

And don’t get me wrong, I am super interested in Triscuits. They often delight me. In some ways they are my favorite crackers, and we are a household of cracker enthusiasts (which I blame on Chad–he’s totally corrupted me to the ways of salty crunchy snacks). The only thing I don’t like about them is how calorie-laden they are (which is probably precisely why they are so delightful).

I could easily write a post just on the intricacies of Triscuits and my favorite flavors (top two are probably Garlic and Smoked Gouda. That’s two separate flavors, although combining them would probably also be awesome). I take credit for helping others including band friends–they were a staple of Monday night rehearsals, along with booze, back when we could physically be in the same space– gain more of an appreciation of Triscuits.

Actually, my mindgrate has been blown in looking up Triscuit flavors–I had no idea there were so many flavors, and ones I haven’t even seen. How did we miss the Siracha flavor? Or cranberry? Or pumpkin?

I have been in denial about the disappearance of Wasabi Triscuits, one of my favorite flavors. My friend Stephanie described them as “wasabi flavored cereal,” which was meant to be disparaging, but I say that’s precisely why they were awesome (although I would forego pouring milk on them. But I also eat a lot of dry cereal). The Wasabi Triscuits have probably been discontinued but I haven’t found official confirmation. They still show up on the official Triscuit flavor list but with no information on where to find them. Perhaps Sage Boggs can research that next?

It’s Day 33 Part 2.

No, it’s not Day 33 of “Amy at Home”–I think it’s Day 19 of that (I start counting from March 17 when my gym had to close). It’s Day 33 of my 50 Day Blogging Challenge. And it’s Part 2 because I’m posting twice today to make up for missing yesterday.

Now I’ve missed some other days in my challenge but I’ve backdated them. Yes, that was cheating, but I justified it because I started the posts on a previous day or they were about a previous day.

But yesterday I just couldn’t come up with anything. I was spent. So today I am owning my shortcoming. I’m a bit disappointed in my failure, but that’s the point of a challenge, right? It should be challenging, and there’s value in continuining, even when we have missteps.

If I successfully complete my 50 Day Blogging Challenge (50 Days of Amy) even with some cheating and failures, I’m going to consider it a Personal Victory” (PV).

I discovered the idea of a “Personal Victory” a couple of months ago in a Runner’s World magazine column, “This Year I’m Not Chasing a PR. I’m Chasing a PV” by Jess Movold. Runners often talk and think and obsess about our “PR’s–“Personal Records”. These are often time or distance related, such as my Marathon PR time is 4:02:48 for the 2018 Grandma’s Marathon.

(A big diversion, but Holy Shit. I had to look this up because I didn’t remember the time, and I am honestly stunned by what a good time that is. I had to watch the finisher’s video and make sure it was me and not some other 48-year-old Amy Luedtke. How could I forget this? How could I not have this tattooed on my forehead?)

But a Personal Victory is about more than a number. It’s about recognizing the context of your situation and adapting to life as it changes. It’s about pushing yourself to think about things beyond speed and distance and connecting with what you really find meaningful.

I was very inspired by the concept of a PV and definitely intended to blog about it in terms of runing….and months later, because of an ongoing “situation” with my upper left thigh (not sure if it’s a series of injuries related to my Christmas Eve fall or a series of unrelated injuries or bad karma and if it’s muscle or nerve related) I can’t run.

So right now, my running PV is to be patient, and not give up all hope that I will ever run again, and not to feel bad when I compare past victories to today’s situation. My PV is also to keep moving, especially without being able to go to they gym, even if it’s only with long slow walks and riding our stationary bike and walking in place in the kitchen.

One of the things I found most inspiring about the idea of PV’s is being flexible. It’s about not giving up when things don’t go according to plan or we don’t meet our own expectations–whether it’s related to running or blogging or dealing with all your plans being cancelled.

I’m pretty sure the measure of success has changed for most of us in the last several weeks. Not to minimize things or downplay real hardship and trauma many people are dealing with, but there’s a reason there’s so much social media chatter about just wearing pants (I have mixed feelings about my long stretch of not wearing dresses but I’ll save that for backup blog fodder–who knows what I’ll need to resort to my Day 50).

A childhood mystery that has haunted me for years has been solved.

I’ve found the name of the bilingual Spanish/English public TV kids show I used to watch in the 70’s: Carrascolendas. It was pretty cutting edge–I’m pretty sure I didn’t have any clue that there were languages other than English before watching this show.

Up until now, I thought I was the only one in the world (even of people my age) who remembered this show. My brother suggested that I hallucinated it as a kid because I was hopped up on Sudafed–back when you needed a prescription for it!

I never successfully looked it up on the interwebs because I had NO idea how to spell it, and apparently couldn’t accurately describe it enough for Google to find it. I don’t know what the magic search terms finally were but I found it on Sunday. I not only have the name, but irrefutable proof that it existed. You can even watch episodes online!

I’ve only skimmed a couple of episodes so far and it’s much different than I remember. I thought it was brighter and sharper. I do remember that there was a character named “Pepper”–in fact she’s the only character I remember. In my version of reality, she used to wear those oversized sunglasses. I have not found any evidence of this, but I swear my family used to call those “Pepper glasses.”

We did not name our cat Pepper after her, but we totally could/should have (Chad of course has no memory of “Carrascolendas.” He apparently played outside/had friends who lived closer than 10 miles away as a child).

I even learned that the librarian featured prominently in the show! In this episode you can hear her tell another character the library is a “safe place”!

My inspiration for solving the mystery of Carrascolendas was searching for information on the seventies PBS show “Zoom.” Yes, in the midst of moving our social lives to the video conferencing platform Zoom, I wonder if I am the only person who remembers that it was a kids PBS show way back in the day? (Probably). I don’t think I particularly liked “Zoom,” but I watched it. I remember it had kids in matching clothes playing a clapping/snapping game. Sounds like a cult.

There was a more recent 1999-2005 remake that parents or young people might remember. I can’t speak to that.

I think I have a higher than average wealth of “knowledge” of 70’s kids PBS shows. The credit for this must go, at least in part, to my older sister Jenn who was charged with a large amount of my caretaking. I not only watched “New Zoo Revue” (SO weird and potentially offensive, I could do a post entirely on that) but “Reading Rainbow” LONG before Levar Burton was on it and it was hosted my an animated typewriter (my sister even ordered me the workbook to go along with it).

I DID watch the more well-know PBS shows, too. I loved Sesame Street, but especially The Electric Company. And I certainly don’t mean to throw shade on Mr. Rogers, but as a kid I genuinely thought his show was boring and the puppets were creepy. (My sister really tried to get me to like him!) As an adult, I totally love and respect what he did but he clearly was not meant for kids hopped on Sudafed.