Amy Lu's View

I’ve tried not to make my blog too much about COVID-19. That’s getting harder and harder as the days go on. Even if I stay away from writing about the virus itself, I can’t help but write about how social isolation, etc., is directly affecting my life (which, blessedly, so far is much less than it’s affecting others). As the saying goes, write what you know.

Which means I’m writing a lot about food and clothes–which I think I would have written about anyway, but just in different ways.

And tonight’s post isn’t as much about the food, as about how we got the food: We used Instacart to order from Cub. To jump to the takeaway, it was highly successful, and I’m so thankful for our shopper, Jessica. (Yes, I did try to tip well). I just gave Jessica a 5 star rating.

This was our first time using Instacart, although we used to get deliveries from Coborns Delivers–and way before that Simon Delivers–before they just suddenly went out of business in the fall. We’ve still got their flippin’ delivery totes.

I’ve tried using Instacart before, but given up when I’ve been frustrated with logging into the app on my phone. But I finally got motivated by trying to social distance as much as possible.

My first time using it was confusing:

• When would our order arrive? It arrived much sooner than I expected, as when I placed my order this morning it said it would come BY Saturday and it actually came tonight.
• How long would it take from Jessica started texting me until the order arrived? A while–my order was big and complicated. Would I receive an update that Jessica was on her way? Yes.
• What would they substitute items with? Would our shopper pick higher calories alternatives? Turns out that Jessica texted me and the app let me approve/veto substitions, so I avoided the higher calorie seasoned frozen cauliflower.

It was stressful:

• See above confusion related to substitutions
• When exactly would they come? Would I be able to wrangle StanLee?

Exciting and entertaining: It was like my own private reality show–what would Jessica substitute my fake cheese with?

Social, affirming and empowering: I felt like I was shopping right along with Jessica. Plus, the fact that it took her so long to find my crazy items made me feel better that it takes me so long to find my crazy items. And I felt like I could give Jessica honest feedback–“No, I don’t want that”–and be demanding without judgment.

Oh yeah, and we got food, too.

Today was “Concert shirt” day for the Library Senior Team.

Not surprisingly, it took me a while to decide on which concert shirt to wear. I started with my Jason Isbell “Something More Than Free.” It’s my most flattering. But I soon realized that if I was wearing something over it (which I needed to because of temperature considerations), flattering really didn’t matter. I thought about wearing my Pigeons From Hell t-shirt, which is one of MY bands, but that felt too self-promoting or self-revealing or something.

So I wore my, also very awesome, Hold Steady shirt which fashions their logo in an homage to the Grain Belt sign. Also an awesome shirt, and large enough to be worn over something long sleve (still under a race track jackets).

But once the meeting actually started two hours later, I decided that I SHOULD wear my Pigeons From Hell t-shirt, damnit. If the apocalypse isn’t the time to be weirdly vulernable and vain, when is?So as the meeting was starting, I took my laptop and ran into the bedroom and changed my shirt. I remembered to mute the camera, no worries!

And I made everyone who was wearing a concert shirt talk about their shirts.

I would say I spend a surprising amount of time deciding what to wear for working from home and attending video meetings, but since it’s me, it really should surprise no one how much time I spend on a clothing related decision.

But I do think my decision process is a little unique because it’s not just the pants/no-pants dilemma or “What differentiates day from night pajamas?” question. (When it comes to pants, I think it’s hardest to find pants that will let me feel like I made an effort and yet allow for freedom of movement and desperation kitchen aerobics). I certainly wrestle with those universal WFH questions and also the classic “Bra or no bra?” and “What will pick-up the least cat hair?”

But I also feel that WFH and actually, CLFH (Completely Living From Home–is that an official acroynm yet?) affords me a chance to rock some mid-level casual chic that I don’t normally get too. I am pretty much a dress or day pajama lady, so I don’t have much occassion to wear concert t-shirts, or race t-shirts, or geek culture shirts, but yet, I have many.

And no matter if it’s, casual, dressy or somewhere in-between, there is always the hair up or down question and how it impacts my attaire. Why wear something with an awesome logo if it’s just going to be covered up by my hair? Even without a logo, hoodies and collars pose great challenges. I know many folks with long hair wear it down and rock a hoodie but I always feel weird. Plus, my temperature fluctuates every 5 minutes and hoodies are hard to take on and off so I definitely prefer track jackets.

My attempt to capture the equation of my clothing decisions: temperature + exposure to cat hair/dressiness-casualness of situation – hairstyle * body image = it’s a wonder I’m ever not naked

As we start week three of completely WFH, all my co-workers know about StanLee. They’ve seen StanLee during meetings, they’ve HEARD StanLee during meetings, and they may have seen me turn my video on and off as I wander through the house and into the yard looking for StanLee.

Everyone who’s attended our church services and our church lunch hours via Zoom has seen StanLee.

But not everyone may know that we have cats. They are a mother/daughter pair we’ve had about six and a half years: Pepper (Mama Kitty–what an original nickname!) and Sprout (Boo–nickname started as Kitty Boo Boo and got shortened). So I want to take a little blog time to make sure our cats get some of the virtual love and attention they deserve.

Virtual drum roll….here are our adorable cats! (Sprout is the white and orange one, so obviously Pepper is the tiger cat).

And I need a post that is relatively quick and easy-to-write so I can try to stay on blogging schedule. To misquote Willow from The Buffy The Vampire Slayer musical episode, “I think this post’s mostly filler.”

I am also going to get a little confessional, and a little defensive. The main reason that the cats don’t get as much airtime is because they live exclusively in our basement. Ever since we got StanLee in November 2018, we have had a completely segregated cat and dog household.

No, they have never “gotten use” to each other. And yes we have tried this. And we have tried that. And I’m pretty sure we have tried every helpful suggestion we have received from well-meaning folks.

StanLee just really, really, really wants to love the cats. And by “love” he means wrestle them, and roll them, and bark at them, and hug them and squeeze them and call them George.

So the cats live in the basement, and only maybe come upstairs at night when StanLee is sequestered in our bedroom, lounging in our bed (we occasionally see that Pepper has attacked English muffins that I’ve left out). They also sometimes come upstairs when StanLee is at puppy daycare on Thursdays. Sprout even got into the sunroom this last Thursday. They definitely support puppy daycare’s classification as an essential service.

And it’s a really nice basement! And we spend (at least some) StanLee-free time without them.

Here is Sprout on a puppy daycare day helping me WFH, and the saddest picture ever of Pepper at the baby gate designed to keep StanLee from terrorizing them in the basement.

So the cats live in the basement, and only maybe come upstairs at night when StanLee is sequestered in our bedroom, lounging in our bed (we occassionally see that Pepper has attacked English muffins that I’ve left out). They also sometimes come upstairs when StanLee is at puppy daycare on Thursdays. Sprout even got into the sunroom this last Thursday. They definitely support puppy daycare’s classification as an essential service.

But it’s a really nice basement! And we spend (at least some) StanLee-free time without them.

We’re still trying to teach StanLee how to be a good puppy brother. Chad is still training with StanLee on his impulse control, and of course, we’re hoping for him to mellow with age (StanLee that it, not Chad).

And if the cats and StanLee do ever learn to live in harmony, it could be adorable. Ironically, Sprout and Pepper wanted to love our now dear deceased dogs but that was a failure. Oscar was just too old. In fact, Sprout even knocked him over once by body-slamming him. At best, Olive tolerated them, but definitely wanted them to practice social distancing. The cats didn’t get the hint. There were even times we were worried they might be trying to commit suicide by dog when they got in her personal space.

We used to say that the cats deserved a pushy dog, but they have now paid their karmic debt and then some.

March 27 is World Theater Day AND International Whiskey Day. Wow, a day to celebrate two of very most favorite things.

Of course it’s rather difficult to celebrate theater right now, since we’ve had to cancel both our productions as has the rest of the theater world. And, for better or worse, it’s way too easy to celebrate whiskey since I’m spending all my time at home not being in theater.

But I can raise a glass of whiskey (specifically, bourbon) to theater and all the professionals and amateurs who devote their hearts and souls to it. I can raise a glass to all the amazing and talented and awesome people I’ve met through my participation in community theater. And I can acknowledge how devastating this time of cancellations is for performers and audiences (including myself–The Show Must NOT Go On), and think about how I can support the theater world both financially and and with intangible ways.

If I do turn out to have any free time while I’m not involved in theater, here some more ways I can celebrate whiskey and theater–preteey sure I can engage in all these tasks while drinking whiskey. Consider this a Part 2 (perhaps in an ongoing series?) of what I aspire to do while spending all my time at home. (Free Time Fallin’).

• Organize all the many, many, many photos I have from the plays I’ve been in over the last 10 years. Maybe make photo books from Shutterfly?
• Organize photos from our Louisville trip (which was all about the bourbon).
• Attend virtual theater performances when I can.
• Read “The Essential Scratch and Sniff Whiskey” (we own this, how have I not read this yet?!).
• Spend some virtual time with my theater friends–miss you guys!
• Finally read the publisher’s notes from the last show I was in, “Uh-Oh, Here Comes Christmas” (didn’t want to skew my performance in some way).
• Explore if Applause can do any type of virtual reading or performance (this is actually Chad’s idea).
• Read scripts that would be good for Applause to produce–especially ones that are in the public domain and royalty free.
• And, to further my own acting life, read scripts to find plays with awesome roles for middle-aged ladies that Applause can produce and I can be in.
• And of course, drink bourbon and whiskey (most likely Laphroig). But this, to use one of Chad’s favorite sayings, would just mean it’s a day that ends in “y”.

Free time does make me jittery.

I get overwhelmed by choice and possibility. There is just so much I could and should and want to do, so where do I start? I start to feel guilty and stressed and grumpy about not using my time wisely.

I think it’s lovely that many people are trying to make the most of their unexpected free time caused by COVID-19 isolation and sheltering, but I find the sense of expectation a little overwhelming. I’m not sure I can learn a new instrument or take up meditation, much less clean out some clutter.

So assuming I do actually settle down and feel like I have some free time, here is a list of things that I would like to do, and it’s pleasant to think about doing, but I’m putting absolutely NO pressure on myself to do.

• Latch hook
• Read the magazines I’ve been hoarding
• Read/skim some nonfiction books I’ve been hoarding
• Color–I have so many awesome books
• Start strength training with my arms
• Use Babbel app to learn un poco Spanish (Chad got me a subscription over years ago)
• Practice drums
• Practice keyboards

And yes, okay, declutter the house.

*I feel compelled to acknowledge that I have another completely unrelated post with almost the same title and I didn’t do it on purpose and I don’t know if that’s sad or awesome.

I ran out of time to blog yesterday.

Wait, how did I possibly run out of time when all my activities have been canceled? And I’m used to having a lot of schedule commitments. But now I have no rehearsals for plays or bands…no performances to be in or attend…no going out for dinner or meeting up for drinks with friends. I don’t even have to spend time on commuting or getting dressed for work (although deciding on comfortable and warm WFH fashion for video meetings is surprisingly time consuming.) I’ve actually felt pretty busy since I’ve officially not had anything to do.

Time is weird. Maybe we (or just me) always find things to fill our time and feel busy–a variation of Parkinson’s Law. Our activities expand to fill whatever we time we have.

I’m sure I also feel like I don’t have much free time because work has been pretty intense since the time of COVID-19, and I’m working more and in more concentrated blocks of time. I think I’m also more distracted and preoccupied and obsessed (by emotions and news and preoccupation with the apocalypse and canceled vacation plans) so it probably takes me longer to accomplish things.

Also, because I can’t run or go to the gym, I am spending a huge amount of time just trying to burn a small amount of calories so I can keep drinking wine and booze and eating crackers and cheese. As previously bitched about (and I’m sure I will bitch about it some more) there are a LOT of minutes (feels like lifetimes) spent on our F%^# ing exercise bike and walks.

On the plus side, I’ve also been spending more time assembling vegetables (“cooking”) and having meals with and talking to Chad, and reaching out and connecting (virtually) to friends, families and our church community.

StanLee B would like to go on the record by saying I have NOT been spending more time giving him the attention he deserves (although he does enjoy online meetings–for work and social reasons) or letting him play with cats.

Once again, I’m mining the 8th grade Values Journal.

This entry is a good old fashioned tear-jerker, and least for me. The assignment was to write a “Letter of Respect” and this is what I wrote to my now-deceased-for-20-years mother:

Dear Mom,

Although it might now always seem like it, I do respect you. Not just because you’re my mother, but for different reasons. One of the reasons I do respect you though is becuase you are my mother and I love you. I also respect you because you always have time for other people, even though you work and are busy. I respect you because you don’t let people push you around. You aren’t afraid to stick up for yourself and others. I know that I have someone that will stand behind me when I’m in trouble that will try to help me. I know that you love me and have always tried to do your best for me. I want you to know that I appreciate what you have done for me and that I love and respect you.

Well. Damn.

Obviously, I was a pretty lucky kid to know that I had my mom in my corner (Even though she would frequently say something like “I don’t know why people think I’m so tough/feisty when I’m so easy-going” when she was really tough as hell and scared everybody–in a really awesome way).

I can only hope that my mom had some inkling of how much I appreciated, respected, and loved her.

I really love that I gave my mom a shoutout for having time for other people. I’m impressed I clued in on this as a 13-year-old, and it’s something I want to emulate–even if it’s only making time to try and be concerned.

My mom was busy teaching second grade, going to the hair saloon to get her hair dyed, shopping (with a 45-minute drive time one way), making coffee for my grandpa, taking care of numerous free-range pets, attending endless numbers of my band and choir concerts and chaperoning “sock hops” (even though I never had a date), setting our bread centerpieces and exploding cans of Diet Coke, and bitching about where she lived and about and at my dad–but she always had time for people. Not just her family, friends, and students, but even strangers she ran into at Shop-Ko. (#SorryNotSorryLotsOfInsideJokesForMySister)

I discovered a gold mine of nostalgia yesterday while attempting to clean out junk in our upstairs: My “Values Journal” from 8th grade history class (I didn’t actually do much cleaning).

As you can imagine, laughters and tearing-up ensued.

I’m including actual shots of my entries (Hey, I could be a digital archivist!) This will allow you to marvel at my beautiful, ginormous handwriting. If you click on the images you should be able to read the entries: “Obituary” and “Daydreams.”

Some things that strike me about 8th grade Amy:

• I really, really, really wanted to be a VJ on MTV–this was 1983–but luckily, I wasn’t delusional enough to think that was very likely.
• On the other hand, my aspirations were rather modest. If I could live anywhere in the world? Augusta (maybe I actually wanted to live in the “city” and not out in the country?) Daydream #8: To have hair that styles without being curled or blow dryed.
• Speaking of daydreams, I only achieved a few of them: I got an “A” on the journal; for about 5 years in my 40’s I could see without glasses or contacts after I had Lasik; and I never had to take gym after college. But I really knocked it out of the park in achieving my #1 Daydream: To be able to get cable stations, especially MTV. I guess Chad and I really WERE meant to be!
• The most beautiful or enjoyable experience I’d ever had: Going to Valley Fair. That makes me laugh and cry.
• Speaking of crying, I said the three people who could make me upset (in this order) were my brother, my sister, and my mother. I think that’s an honor.
• I liked “Remington Steele” as much as “Friday Night Videos”?! I know I liked it but I don’t remember liking it that much!
• Something that hasn’t changed are “Two things you are good at”: Playing the drums and spending money.

In some ways, I really haven’t changed that much in 37 years. At the end of my first entry, I wrote, “Some of the things that are important to me are religious faith, my family, and my friends. I think people are important, and that trying to be concerned about them is too.”

I love how I wrote trying to be concerned about people…talk about managed expectations! Forget about actually being concerned, or having empathy, or loving other people, much less actually doing something to help them, I just wanted to be concerned.

I find young Amy’s realism and self-honesty refreshing and inspiring. Or maybe this was just Gen-X rural German lowkeyness. Whatever, I appreciate a goal I feel I can actually aspire to right now.